Classic Comedies:

Funniest Movie
Moments and Scenes


Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

City Lights (1931)

  • in this memorable, quintessential Charlie Chaplin "silent "film released three years after the start of the talkies era of sound - it was a tale of blind love again featuring the famous Little Tramp character - an outcast, homeless man with baggy pants, tight coat, cane, large shoes and small hat; the Tramp functioned as a savior and wish-fulfiller for two individuals - a blind flower girl while masquerading as a wealthy duke, and a drunk millionaire who was repeatedly saved and befriended
  • in the opening sequence (a mocking of talkies) - a boring public presentation in a public square to unveil an ugly monument to 'Peace and Prosperity' was in progress; it functioned as a clever in-joke against 'talking' films; as two Establishment figures spoke, Instruments (a kazoo and other squawking device) were substituted as their voices to parody and make fun of them - and talking films
  • when the dust sheet was lifted and removed from the Greco-Roman stone statue, it revealed the black-clothed little Tramp (Charlie Chaplin) vagrant who was blissfully sleeping in the central figure's lap; he embarrassingly made an effort to extricate himself and climb down off the statue, but the sword of one of the three statues had impaled and hooked him - stuck up the back of his pants; as he crawled off the large statue, his profile with his own nose next to the statue's huge outspread hand created a classic image - a monumental nose-thumbing gesture
Opening Scene - Tramp Caught on Sword of Statue
  • while taking an afternoon stroll in the busy city, the Tramp humorously admired a nude female statue in a store window, and narrowly avoided stepping backwards into an opening and closing freight elevator platform; the Tramp reprimanded one of the workers (Tiny Ward) riding on the platform, until it came to its full height and the workman towered over him; the cowardly Tramp tipped his hat and quickly exited
  • to avoid a motorcycle policeman, the Tramp stepped into and out of a parked vehicle onto the sidewalk in front of a beautiful Flower Girl (Virginia Cherrill) selling flowers; she heard the car door slam, assuming the occupant was a rich millionaire; she offered him a flower - a boutonniere, and he was immediately smitten even after realizing that she was blind and couldn't see him; he gave her his last coin for the flower
The Tramp Smitten by The Flower-Selling Blind Girl (Virginia Cherrill) on the Sidewalk
  • after leaving, he snuck back to sit and silently watch her when she unknowingly threw a bucket of dirty water from a container into his face; that evening, she returned home in a good mood - she lived with her be-spectacled, shawled grandmother (Florence Lee); at her window, she dreamt and longed for more visits from the "millionaire"
  • later that night at the harbor on a concrete platform next to the water, the Tramp encountered a drunken and suicidal Eccentric Millionaire (Harry Myers) who had tied one end of a rope to a large stone and put the noose around his neck; the Tramp encouraged the man to be optimistic: ("Tomorrow the birds will sing!" and "Be brave! Face life!"); in his attempt to save the man, the Tramp almost drowned and was the one who had to be rescued; after they scrambled to safety, the two became buddies, as the millionaire exclaimed: "I'm cured. You're my friend for life"; the Tramp gave his characteristic comic leg-shake, and then the millionaire suggested: "We'll go home and get warmed up"
  • as a reward for being saved, the millionaire escorted his new-found friend back to his elegant mansion, where his Butler (Allan Garcia) named James informed him of the "news" that his wife had sent for her baggage following their divorce or separation; the millionaire attempted suicide a second time with a revolver, but was again prevented from doing so by the Tramp; the millionaire suggested that they change their clothes and drive in his Rolls Royce to town: ("We'll burn up the town!")
  • during a "night on the town" to celebrate, the two identically-dressed drunken gentlemen entered a crowded dinner and dance nightclub; the Tramp became involved in a number of unfortunate incidents - he set fire to a woman's dress with his newly-purchased, discarded cigar butt (and used squirts of seltzer water to extinguish the flames); in a hilarious spaghetti-confetti sequence, he mistook strings of confetti hanging from the ceiling as spaghetti strands on his plate, and he became wildly possessed by the rhythmic sound of the dance music and began twirling and dancing with the female whose dress was set on fire, and then with one of the waiters with a food tray precariously held high above his head; by early morning, the millionaire recklessly drove them back to the mansion in his Rolls Royce
  • the Tramp was offered the millionaire's Rolls and wads of cash as he left the mansion; he followed after the Flower Girl as she was passing by, and masqueraded as a rich duke by buying all of her stock of flowers for $10 dollars, refusing the change, handing her a total of three bills, and driving her home in the millionaire's Rolls; he was content to let her be overjoyed and believe that he was a very kind and rich man

In Front of the Mansion, the Flower Girl

The Tramp Purchasing Flowers - Posing as a Rich Man

Taking The Flower Girl Home in the Limo - Kissing Her Hand
  • when the Tramp returned to the millionaire's mansion, the rich man had sobered up, and couldn't remember anything that had happened; he had to be drunk to recognize the Little Tramp as his friend; the Tramp was pushed out by the butler at the front door, and he departed with sadness and disappointment
  • however, in a quick turnaround, the Tramp again met the drunken millionaire on one of the city's sidewalks outside the nightclub, who welcomed his "friend" again with open arms, hugs and a handshake, and arranged a "swell party" in his honor
  • during the party, the Tramp swallowed a whistle, a party favor, and then during an attack of hiccups, he whistled with each spasm; after he stepped outside to avoid distracting the other guests, he first hailed a taxi, and then was surrounded by a wild assortment of dogs
  • after sobering up by the next morning in the millionaire's bed, the Tramp again found himself unrecognized, and was ruthlessly ordered out of the mansion and thrown out by the butler; he learned that the blind flower girl was sick in bed with a fever, attended by a doctor and her grandmother; he sat dejectedly on the stairs
  • to become the flower girl's benefactor, the Tramp took a job as a street cleaner, and after shoveling up a small amount of manure left by a horse-drawn cart, he saw a long procession of mules, and then was prepared to run off after turning around and spotting an elephant coming down the street
  • meanwhile, the girl's Grandmother shielded news of an impending eviction for non-payment of rent - but the blind girl was hopeful: "He's coming today!"; the Tramp visited the girl's home with some food, and read to her from the newspaper about a Viennese eye specialist-surgeon in town who could cure her blindness, encouraging her to become hopeful about finally seeing him
  • as the girl was knitting and raveling up her skein of yarn, she mistakenly pulled a loose thread from the Tramp's undergarments and completely unraveled his clothing, as he squirmed and writhed next to her
  • the Tramp promised to pay for the blind girl's sight-restoring operation, by entering a boxing ring bout; he arranged for a fixed fight in his favor, with stand-in boxer Eddie Mason (Eddie McAuliffe) who agreed not to hurt him, and the plan was to split the purse 50-50 following the match; unfortunately, the stand-in fled when a telegram warned him that the cops were after him; the Tramp could not convince a massive, muscle-bound substitute Prizefighter (Hank Mann) to accept the Tramp's proposal: "Let's take it easy and we'll split fifty-fifty"; the Tramp watched as a Superstitous black Boxer (Victor Alexander), who had earlier worshipped a lucky rabbit's foot and lucky horseshoe, was carried off unconscious after his fight
  • during the marvelously-pantomimed prize fight, the Tramp balletically danced around in the ring to avoid the palooka's punches, nimbly hiding and ducking for safety behind the tall referee, and remarkably was able to get in a few effective punches; before long in the second round, the Tramp was knocked out cold
The Tramp's Fight Against a Real Prizefighter (Hank Mann) Before His Knock Out and Defeat
  • after the fight, the Tramp became hopeful when the millionaire reappeared and promised: "Now don't worry about the girl. I'll take care of her"; the Tramp was given $1,000 in banknotes, the money needed for the blind girl's operation that would restore her sight; just after stuffing the banknotes into his pocket, two robbers who were hiding in a living room closet and had seen the exchange of cash, emerged and knocked the millionaire out with a blackjack; when the Tramp summoned the police by phone, the burglars fled
  • naturally, an arriving policeman suspected that the Tramp was the guilty-looking thief - with the money in his pocket; after the millionaire regained consciousness, he again didn't recognize the Tramp as his friend and accused him of robbery ("Who is this man?"); the Tramp raced off, took the money to the blind girl's home, and gave her the money for rent and for a sight-restoring operation before he was arrested on a street corner, and imprisoned for robbery for nine months
  • in the tearful, sentimental ending, the down-and-out Tramp, now released from prison, saw the blind girl - with restored sight in the display window of her newly-opened flower shop of her successful business; he grinned and beamed at her with a melting smile; she turned and remarked to her grandmother about the beggar outside her shop: "I've made a conquest!"
  • when she saw the petals falling from a dead rose in his hand, she took pity on the Tramp (although she had been laughing when he was being teased by some teen newspaper boys) by offering him a fresh white rose flower and a coin; although the Tramp tried to scurry away and evade her, she exited her shop's front door to pursue him on the sidewalk

The Girl Touching the Tramp's Hand and Realizing He was the "Millionaire" - Instant Hand-Recognition

Ending: The Tramp's Reaction
  • simultaneously she realized, in a moment of hand-held recognition when she handed over the coin, that he was her unlikely benefactor-savior; she asked: "You?" and he shyly nodded positively; he pointed to his own eyes: "You can see now?" and she said that she could: "Yes, I can see now," and she held his hand to her chest
  • the film ended with a slow fade to black during a closeup of the Tramp's face and smile (with a rose stem in his mouth), both with uncertainty and joy, after she had identified him

Mayor (Henry Bergman) With a Kazoo-Voice at Unveiling of Statue

Viewing a Nude Statue In a Store Window With an Opening and Closing Freight Elevator Platform Behind Him

The Suicidal Millionaire with a Rope and Heavy Rock at the Harbor

The Tramp Encouraging the Millionaiire to Not Drown Himself

The Tramp With Drunken Millionaire at a Nightclub, Smoking Cigars

Mistaking Strings of Confetti from the Ceiling with Strands of Spaghetti

Wildly Twirling and Dancing With Unsuspecting Female

Reckless Drunken Driving

The Tramp Swallowing a Whistle During a Party in His Honor

Taking a Job as a Street Sweeper - Watching a Procession of Mules

Knitting Scene - The Blind Flower Girl Unraveling the Tramp's Undergarment

The Tramp's Stand-in Opponent Eddie Mason for a Fixed Fight

The Tramp Accused of Robbing the Millionaire of $1,000 Dollars

Providing the Blind Girl With Money for Rent and An Eye Operation

Peering in at the Flower Girl (with Restored Vision) in Her Corner Shop

The Flower Girl's Gift of a Coin and a Fresh White Rose for the Tramp

City Slickers (1991)

  • director Ron Underwood's western-adventure comedy told about a group of three life-long companions - all unhappy, bored 30-ish, white-collar males experiencing mid-life crises and suffering from middle-age; they often joined together to resolve their issues using a process of self-discovery - in particular, by taking adventure 'vacations' (i.e., bull-running, target-parachute jumping, etc.) or weekend warrior outings
  • in the film's opening set in Pamploma, Spain, the three urban New York thrill-seekers: Manhattan radio-ad salesman Mitch Robbins (Billy Crystal), supermarket manager Phil Berquist (Daniel Stern) and sporting goods salesman Ed Furillo (Bruno Kirby) were participating in the dangerous annual 'Running of the Bulls'; the first line of dialogue was Mitch's question: "Whose idea was this anyway?"
  • Mitch was gored in the rear end and had to visit a Spanish doctor for stitches - he nervously asked: ("Don't sew anything up that's supposed to remain open, OK?"); he also blamed Ed for the accident: "It was a 2,000-pound rampaging animal spraying bull snot all over Spain! That's what made me run! You made me stand in front of it!"
  • a year later on Mitch's 39th birthday back in NYC, he was immediately confronted with the issue of his own aging: (1) his mother (voice of Jayne Meadows) phoned to again recall her race to the hospital for his birth, (2) at work, Mitch complained to his Station Manager boss about his life ("Have you ever had that feeling that this is the best I'm ever gonna do, this is the best I'm ever gonna feel... and it ain't that great?"); he was criticized for his sub-par work and had his decision-making power reduced, and (3) during 'career day' at his son's grade school, Mitch delivered a morose "What is life?" speech that forecast a bleak future of aging for everyone: "Value this time in your life, kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Thirties - you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself: 'What happened to my twenties?' Forties - you grow a little pot belly, you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Fifties - you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a 'procedure', but it's a surgery. Sixties - you'll have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies - you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale. You start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, you have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. You spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering: 'How come the kids don't call?' 'How come the kids don't call?' The eighties, you'll have a major stroke. You end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions?"
  • Mitch's 39th year birthday party that evening planned by Mitch's wife Barbara (Patricia Wettig) was attended by his friends Ed (with his 24 year-old lingerie model-girlfriend/wife Kim Furillo (Walker Brandt)), and Phil (with his aggravated wife Arlene (Karla Tamburrelli)); during the party, Phil's disgruntled wife learned that Phil had recently impregnated young 20 year-old co-worker/check-out clerk Nancy (Yeardley Smith)) who walked in and revealed she had missed her period; during a hate-fest with Arlene in front of everyone, Phil declared: "I hate you more. If hate were people, I'd be China!"; in anger, Arlene walked out on him - essentially ending their loveless marriage
  • Ed and Phil's birthday gift to Mitch was a 2-week, escapist "adventure trip" driving cattle from New Mexico to Colorado; Barbara encouraged Mitch to attend the cattle drive as a way to revive his passion for life ("Go and - find your smile!"), rather than taking a planned trip to visit her parents in Florida
  • a few weeks later, the three urban mid-lifers arrived at Stone Canyon Ranch in New Mexico, where they met the other "city slicker" guests, including ice-cream entrepreneurial brothers Barry and Ira Shalowitz (Josh Mostel and David Paymer) with "1400 retail outlets from coast to coast", African-American dentists Ben Jessup (Bill Henderson) and his son Steve (Phill Lewis) from Baltimore ("We're black and we're dentists"), and young, newly-single ex-wife Bonnie Rayburn (Helen Slater) who was recently estranged from her husband

Recently-Single Bonnie Rayburn

Ranch Owner Clay Stone

Southwest Trail Boss Curly's First Appearance
  • the ranch owner Clay Stone (Noble Willingham) invited the 'city slickers' to get ready for the cattle drive by practicing their 'cowboy' skills in the corral; Mitch was resistant: "I have a roping disability," and demonstrated his miserable inability to lasso an object, by arguing about walking up to a cow and manually placing a lasso over its head; he was disproven when a loud whistle spooked the cow who took off while dragging Mitch behind
  • when two of the drunk ranch hands, Jeff (Kyle Secor) and T.R. (Dean Hallo), sexually-harrassed Bonnie with unwanted advances, a confrontation occurred when the threesome came to Bonnie's rescue; the brawl was quickly quelled when the ranch hands were reprimanded by an unnamed, crusty, tough, straight-faced, leather-beaten cowboy; the western character lassoed Jeff by the neck, tethered him to a fence, and threw a Bowie knife at his crotch; Mitch was amazed: "Did you see that guy? That is the toughest man I've ever seen in my life!...Did you see how leathery he was? He was like a saddlebag with eyes!"
  • that evening around a campfire with his friends, Mitch was concerned to learn the identity of their Southwest trail boss - Curly Washburn (Best Supporting Actor-winning Jack Palance); Phil shared a rumor from the cook that Curly once killed a man in a knife fight; Ben added: "He slit him from neck to nuts," and Ed mentioned: "This guy's a cowboy. One of the last real men. He's untamed, a mustang. We're trained ponies. It'll do us good to be in his world for awhile"; meanwhile, Mitch didn't realize that the mythic, intimidating cowboy had walked up and was standing behind him as he denounced him as crazy: "This guy is not normal, I'm tellin' ya. Did you see his eyes? He's got crazy eyes. He's a lunatic! I'm tellin' ya. We're goin' into the wilderness being led by a lunatic!"; he suddenly realized: "He's behind me, isn't he?"; Mitch turned around as Curly bragged to humiliate him: "I crap bigger than you"; Mitch worried to himself as Curly walked away: "He's gonna kill me"
  • a few days later, the group commenced the cattle drive toward Colorado - and Mitch inadvertently spooked the cattle and caused a destructive stampede by turning on a battery-operated coffee grinder in the early morning - the rampaging herd destroyed the campsite; Curly halted the stampede with one gun shot, and then chuckled to himself: "City folk!"
  • during Curly's and Mitch's attempt to round up the missing stray cattle, they were forced to spend the night camping out in the wilderness; Mitch was still wary of Curly - who continually stropped his large Bowie knife on a leather strap; he tried to defuse the situation by telling Curly: "You're sittin' over there playin' with your knife, trying to frighten me - which you're doin' a good job. But if you're gonna kill me, get on with it; if not, shut the hell up - I'm on vacation"; also, his harmonica playing of "Tumblin' Tumbleweeds" helped to soften Curly's gruff demeanor when he started to sing along

The Intimidating Curly Sharpening His Bowie Knife

"...if you're gonna kill me, get on with it; if not, shut the hell up"

To Mitch's Harmonica Tune, The Two Sang Around the Campfire
Overnight Camping: Mitch with Curly
  • the next day while riding along, Curly held up one finger to encourage Mitch to discover and honor the unique "one thing" in his life that was important to him - it would turn out to be the secret to a good life: ("One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and everything else don't mean s--t...That's what you've gotta figure out")
  • Curly ordered Mitch to assist a dying cow in labor that was about to give birth ("Just reach in and pull out the calf"), although Mitch complained about the birth: "You know, this was not in the brochure"; Mitch helped in delivering the calf by pulling it out - and was amazed by the new life ("Look what I did! I made a cow"); he decided to name the calf "Norman"; sadly, Curly had to euthanize the mother of the orphaned, newborn calf; shortly later after returning to the group on the trail, Mitch explained to Bonnie how he had taught his pet calf to bottle-feed: "Yeah, thank God, 'cause my nipples were killing me"
  • while the group sat around eating a meal, Ira Shalowitz offered a challenge - "Barry can pick out the right flavor of ice cream to follow any meal. Go ahead. Challenge him"; Mitch tried to stump them with a complex meal choice: "Sea Bass... Sauteed...Potatoes au gratin. Asparagus"; Barry paused, concentrated, and then answered: "Rum raisin!"; the two brothers high-fived each other and exclaimed: "WOOF!"

The Ice Cream Challenge - The Two Brothers High-Fived Each Other: "WOOF!"

Bonnie's Amazement About How Her Husband and Males in the Group Memorized Baseball Trivia
  • Bonnie explained to the others why she had broken up with her husband, who was "like a baseball encyclopedia": "We had different needs. I needed him to treat me decently and get a job, and he needed to empty my bank account and leave....I like baseball. I just never understood how you guys could spend so much time discussing it. I mean, I've been to games, but I don't memorize who played third base for Pittsburgh in 1960" - her statement caused all three males to answer her trivia question: "Don Hoak" - and she felt vindicated: "See, that's exactly what I mean"
  • as the scene continued, Phil asked about what she often discussed with her female friends, and she answered: "Well, real life. Relationships. Are they working? Are they not? Who's she seeing? Is that working?"; Ed mocked her response: "Honey, if that were as interesting as baseball, they'd have cards for it and sell it with gum"
  • shortly later, Mitch discovered that Curly had suffered a fatal heart attack while sitting and watching over the cattle from a rocky perch; he was buried on the trail marked with a simple wooden memorial cross during a somber funeral ceremony; Phil mused: "The man ate bacon at every meal - I mean, you, you can't do that!"; the camp's cook Cookie (Tracy Walter) offered the only eulogy: "Lord, we give you Curly. Try not to piss him off"
  • the cattle drive continued, with T.R. and Jeff directing the group; during the drive while on horseback, Phil, Ed, and Mitch shared stories about the best and worst days of their lives: Mitch (BEST - his first visit to Yankee Stadium with his father, and WORST - the day his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, although it was later determined to be nothing), Phil (BEST - his outdoors wedding day, and WORST - "every day since is a tie"), and Ed (BEST and WORST - when he was 14 years old, the day his cheating father left their family)
  • while riding along, Mitch sang the Theme from Rawhide - ending with his imitation of a horse snorting: "Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them dogies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Get 'em up, move 'em out, wake 'em up, get 'em dressed, get 'em shaved, comb their hair, Rawhide! Tie me down, tell me lies, pull my hair, smack my thighs - with a big wet strap of Rawhide!"
  • further mishaps included the destruction of the group's food supply by the drunken Cookie when he drove the horse-drawn cook-wagon into a ravine and also broke both legs when he jumped free; also, both horses Skyrocket and Buttercup died and were buried; Mitch worried that Cookie might be mercy-killed: "Oh God, they're gonna shoot him, I know it, they're gonna shoot him"; the Jessups volunteered to take Cookie to a nearby town for treatment (Ben: "He's injured and we have medical training. We're dentists!"); his son asked: "Are we gonna give him a cleaning?"
  • after an altercation between the two intoxicated ranch-hands (shooting recklessly) and Mitch and Phil ("I hate bullies") who grabbed a gun to threaten them, the group was left leaderless and guideless when T.R. and Jeff deserted them: ("They skedaddled!"); the abandoned group eventually resolved to continue on their way with the herd to Colorado
  • on their way, Phil and Mitch argued about how a DVR TV box worked (Mitch: "If you want to watch one show, but record another show at the same time, the television set does not have to be on channel 3", Phil: "You're saying I can record something I'm not even watching?", Mitch: "Yes, that's the point. You don't even need a TV to record....Well to see it, you need a TV"); Ed interrupted both of them: "He doesn't get it! He'll never get it! It's been 4 hours! The cows can tape something by now! Forget about it - please!"; the technologically-challenged Phil ended the conversation by adding: "How do you do the clock?"
  • during the treacherous trek, including a heavy rainstorm, Norman almost drowned while crossing a raging river; Mitch attempted to rescue Norman by lassoing him, but was also carried downstream by the current and had to be rescued by his two heroic pals
  • once they arrived at a ranch in Colorado, Clay Stone responded with glee that his herd had been delivered: "I'm as happy as a puppy with two peters"; he announced how he would reward the tenderfoots with refunds for their experience ("Two weeks ago, you boys were as worthless as hen s--t on a pump handle. Look at you now! I'm givin' your money back!"), but then told how the herd was destined to be sold to a meat packing company for "top dollar": ("It's what these animals are bred for. All that meat under cellophane in the store, where do you think it comes from?"); his words caused the threesome to become dispirited and saddened
  • during their last day together in a moment of self-reflection, the three discussed their futures; Ed intended to impregnate his young wife and have children within a more committed relationship, while Phil told how he would "start over" after his upcoming divorce, in a new relationship with Bonnie; and Mitch declared that he had envisioned what Curly described as his "one thing"
  • in the film's final scene at the NYC airport, Mitch surprised his wife Barbara with a new addition to the family - he revealed his pet Norman from a cage by dragging him with reins, and then introduced him: "Everyone, this is Norman!" - Norman "mooed" at everyone; after placing Norman in the family van, Mitch announced plans to place the saved animal in a petting zoo

Mitch In Spanish Doctor's Office: "Don't sew anything up that's supposed to remain open"

Mitch's 'What is Life' Speech During "Career Day" at His Son's School

During Mitch's 39th Birthday Celebration, Phil was Told That He Had Impregnated 20 Year-Old Co-Worker Nancy - It Broke Up His Marriage

(l to r): At New Mexico Dude Ranch: Phil, Mitch, and Ed

Ben and Steve Jessup: "We're black and we're dentists"

Ice-Cream Entrepreneurs Barry and Ira Shalowitz

Curly Threatening His Two Drunk Ranchhands With a Bowie Knife

Mitch Marveling to Bonnie about Curly: "He was like a saddlebag with eyes!"

Mitch After Describing Curly as Crazy - Curly Was Standing Behind Him ("He's behind me, isn't he?")

Curly to Mitch: "I crap bigger than you"

Mitch's Coffee Grinder - Causing a Stampede That Destroyed the Camp

Curly to Mitch: "Do you know what the secret of life is?"

Curly: "One thing. Just one thing..."

The Birth of a Calf - and Mitch's Exclamation: "Look what I did. I made a cow!"

Sharing "Best" and "Worst" Day Memories During the Trail Ride

Phil With a Gun: "I hate bullies!"

Arguing About How a TV's DVR Works

Clerks. (1994)

  • this low-budget, foul-mouthed, R-rated comedy with some outrageous laughs and memorable monologues by first-time writer/director Kevin Smith, was an independent film that went into general release after its successes at film festivals, and became one of the most popular and successful comedy independent films of all time. It told about two unambitious and irresponsible store clerks with minimum-wage jobs as they went through their work days in a strip mall; they interacted with customers, discussed movies and girlfriends - all in a spirit of Generation X gloom and ennui with multiple F-bombs; the film's tagline accurately described the main characters: "Just because they serve you doesn't mean they like you"
  • in a series of day-in-the-life vignettes in the grainy, 16mm B/W film, two clerks in suburban NJ stores who both hated their dead-end jobs in Leonardo Township in NJ were: unproductive college drop-out and 22 year-old Quick Stop Groceries store clerk Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) and his grungy, nihilistic, slacker, anti-social RST Video-store clerk friend Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson) who worked next door and clearly despised and abused his rental customers by often insulting or offending them (he advised Dante: "You'd feel a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer")
  • in the film's opening (to the tune of the film's theme song: "Clerks" performed by Love Among Freaks: "I guess I'm livin' day to day..."), Dante's day started out badly with multiple problems - he was phoned early at home to work the morning shift beginning at 6 AM on his Saturday day-off when his co-worker Arthur called in sick; he agreed when his boss promised to relieve him at 12 noon; when Dante arrived at the store, he discovered that the metal shutters for the storefront were jammed closed by chewing gum stuffed into the lock; he left a make-shift message with big letters written in shoe polish on a large bed-sheet - I ASSURE YOU, WE'RE OPEN!
  • one of Dante's early customers - later identified as a pushy Chewlies Gum Representative (Scott Schiaffo), delivered an anti-smoking diatribe to one of the convenience store customers in his late teens; he pulled out a diseased and corroded lung from a bag he was carrying and placed it on the counter, and also displayed a trach-ring, and argued that for his health's sake, the young guy should buy his favorite brand of gum instead of cigarettes and save his money: ("This is where you're heading. Cruddy lung, smoking through a hole in your throat. Do you really want that?")
  • from the start of the film, iconic stoner partners and possible drug dealers Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith) loitered outside the next-door's video store as Jay spewed obscenities: ("I'll f--k anything that moves!") and even proposed oral sex with Silent Bob ("You're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, Line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. Hey, what're you, a f--kin' faggot? I hate guys. I love women!")
  • the customer had gathered a large audience around him, as he delivered a more angry general rant against the cancer-causing smoking industry that sold cigarettes: ("You're spending what? Twenty, maybe thirty dollars a week on your cigarettes?...Fifty-three dollars a week on cigarettes! Come on! Would you give somebody that much money each week to kill you? 'Cause that's what you're doing now, by paying for this so-called privilege to smoke... It's that kinda mentality that allows the cancer-producing industry to thrive. 'Course we're all gonna die some day. But do we have to pay for it? Do we have to actually throw hard-earned dollars down on the counter and say, 'Please Mr. Merchant-of-Death, sir, please, sell me something that'll stink up my breath and my clothes and fry my lungs'? ...Yeah. Yeah, and now here comes the speech about how he's just doing his job by following orders. Friends, let me tell you about another group of hate mongers that were just following orders. They were called Nazis!...Yeah, and they practically wiped an entire nation of people off the Earth just like your cigarettes are doing now")
  • the mob of people shifted the blame to "cancer merchant" Dante for "selling death" at the check-out counter; Dante was pelted with cigarettes before he was rescued by the arrival of his new, current girlfriend Veronica Loughran (Marilyn Ghigliotti), who defended him against the mob with fire extinguisher spray, and exposed the true identity of the chewing-gum advocate before tossing him out
  • as Veronica and Dante briefly spoke, she urged him to become motivated to quit his job if he hated it so much and go back to college, since he dropped out five years earlier: ("All I'm saying is, if you're that unhappy, you should leave"); Dante delivered the first of many reminders he told others: "I'm not even supposed to be here today"
  • while they were talking about sexual relations behind the counter on the floor, he claimed vast differences between men's and women's orgasms: ("Making a male climax isn't at all challenging. Insert somewhere close, preferably moist, thrust, repeat...Now, making a woman come, therein lies a challenge"); after Dante admitted that he had sex with 12 different women (including her), she hit him and called him a pig, ("You men make me feel sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes"), and then told him the honest truth about her sexual history including having sex with only three guys (including him): "I'm not the pig you are...You men make me feel sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes"; then she changed the subject and returned to their previous discussion about his schooling: "You have so much potential that's going to waste in this pit. l wish you'd go back to school"
  • after speaking to a stoned-sounding ex-boyfriend named William "Snowball" Black at the store's counter, Veronica ("Ronni") described the meaning of his nickname: "After the blow job, he likes to have it spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing"; she also admitted that she had engaged in oral sex with him; the flabbergasted Dante asked: "You sucked his d--k?...Why did you tell me you only had sex with three guys?"; she responded that she didn't consider oral sex as intercourse, but only called it 'fooling around'; in the so-called "I'm 37!?" scene, she told the shocked and nauseous Dante that she had delivered 37 instances of fellatio before she dated him: (Dante: "How many?...How many d--ks have you sucked?"; Veronica replied: "Something like - 36..." and including him, it was a total of 37)
  • during the work day, Dante often conversed with his friend, next-door video-clerk Randal, who arrived late for work, and would spend most of his day in the Quick Stop store; he suggested that Dante give up his five-year interest in his promiscuous high school sweetheart-girlfriend Caitlin Bree (Lisa Spoonauer) (who was just about to finish college), due to his dating of Veronica for seven months; Dante had been secretly phoning Caitlin and reestablishing their relationship; Randal attempted to convince Dante to give up on the unfaithful Caitlin and stick with his devoted new girlfriend Veronica of seven months ("Chick's nuts about you"); Randal showed Dante an announcement in the local newspaper that Caitlin was engaged to be married to an "Asian design major"; Dante was so shocked that he thought the article was bogus or a misprint
  • in an appalling scene, clerk Randal phone-ordered from his distributor a number of X-rated stock (with really filthy titles like "All Tit-F--king, Volume 8," "I Need Your C--k," "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers," "My C--t and Eight Shafts," "C-m Clean," "C-m Gargling Naked Sluts," "Cum Buns III," "Cumming in Socks," "C-m On Eileen," "Huge Black C--ks With Pearly White C-m," "Girls Who Crave C--k," "Girls Who Crave C--t," and more), while in front of a customer at the counter, a Mom (Connie O'Connor) and her young daughter (Ashley Pereira) were asking to purchase "Happy Scrappy Hero Pup"
  • to pass the time, Randal engaged in a dialogue with Dante about which Star Wars film was better, The Empire Strikes Back (1980), or Return of the Jedi (1983); Dante voted for Empire: "I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father. Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. it ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is: a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets"
  • Randal engaged in a ludicrous Return of the Jedi (1983) dialogue with Dante about the ending of Jedi - he brought up the ethical issue of the construction and destruction of the second Death Star by the rebels (led by Lando Calrissian), when innocent independent contractors lost their lives: ("Something just never sat right with me that second time around. I could never put my finger on it, but something just wasn't right....The first Death Star was manned by the lmperial Army. The only people on board were Storm Troopers, dignitaries, lmperialists....So when they blew it up, no problem. Evil's punished...the second time around, it wasn't even done being built yet. It was still under order to get it built quickly and quietly, they'd hire anybody that could do the job....All those innocent contractors brought in to do the job are killed, casualties of a war they had nothin' to do with....Look, you're a roofer. Some juicy government contract comes your way. You got a wife and kids, the two-story in suburbia. This is a government contract which means all sorts of benefits. Along come these left-wing militants who blast everything within a three-mile radius with their lasers. You didn't ask for that. You had no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living"); a roofer-contractor who overheard the conversation confirmed for them that something similar happened to him - he rejected a contractor job for mobster Baby Face Bambino's home, and luckily avoided losing his life when a hit-job was conducted by the Foresie family and one of his contractor friends lost his life
  • Dante was confronted by many strange customers, including an Egg Man (Walter Flanagan) who was sitting on the floor and questing for "the perfect dozen"; when told he could mix & match eggs from different cartons, he rejected the idea: "He said it was important to have standards. He says no one has any pride anymore"; a female customer who witnessed the man's strange behavior and was credited as a Caged Animal Masturbator (Virginia Smith) ironically suggested that the man work as a guidance counselor - an occupation that caused him to go crazy: ("It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why l manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination")
  • Randal suggested that Dante occasionally vent his frustrations on his annoying customers, and gave examples of idiotic questions his video customers had often asked - seen in short vignettes: ("What would you get for a six-year-old boy who chronically wets his bed?", or "So, do you have any new movies in?", or "Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that was out last year?"); Dante recalled a few ridiculous questions his own Quick Stop customers had asked: ("What do you mean there's no ice? I've got to drink this coffee hot?" and "So, how much is this thing anyway?")
  • Veronica arrived to bring Randal lasagna for lunch and to reconcile with him after their volatile discussion of sexual histories; he learned that his boss, who had promised to relieve him at noon, had lied to take a vacation in Vermont and would be gone for three days - causing him to miss his 2 PM street hockey game; after realizing he was all alone with no backup, Dante decided to play street hockey on the store's rooftop with his friends; he posted another sign on the store's door: "TEMPORARILY CLOSED. BE OPENED AFTER FIRST PERIOD"; after 12 minutes of play, an irate customer (Scott Mosier) emerged on the rooftop demanding to have the store opened; after the customer was urged to compete in the game, he deliberately knocked Dante down during a face-off, and hit their sole hockey-ball off the roof and into a storm drain
  • Randal convinced Dante to temporarily lock up the store at 4 pm to attend the wake of one of his other ex-girlfriends (22 year-old Julie Dwyer) who suffered a brain embolism while swimming in a YMCA pool; the wake was aborted when the two fled the Paulson's funeral parlor - it was revealed in an animated "lost scene" why they left prematurely; Dante had thrown his car keys to Randal who wanted to wait outside in the car, but they ricocheted off of him and landed inside Julie's pants within the casket; when Dante attempted to reach in and retrieve the keys and he was attacked by Julie's enraged parents, the casket was knocked over by Randal and the body fell out
  • afterwards back at the store, Randal borrowed Dante's car to drive to the superior Big Choice video store and rent a film; meanwhile, Dante spoke to some of his high-school classmates in the store, including a pushy fitness trainer Rick Derris (Ernest O'Donnell) who judged Dante as out-of-shape for struggling to pick up a milk bottle, and for having love handles, and Heather Jones (Kimberly Loughran) - the sister of Alyssa Jones who used to hang out with Caitlin; the Trainer admitted to having sex with Caitlin 2-3 years earlier, and both knew of Caitlin's reputation for having many sex partners: ("Everybody in school knew about it")
  • suddenly, Dante was unfairly served with a court summons for allegedly selling cigarettes to a 4 year-old girl (Frances Cresci), but it was actually Randal who, while sitting in at the Quick Stop counter, had committed the offense; Dante faced a $500 fine, but his protest fell on deaf ears; he asked himself: "What next?"
  • Caitlin arrived in town from her Ohio college by train and came to the store, where Dante asked to speak to her privately in the video store; she explained how the marriage announcement was a "misunderstanding" pressured by her mother, and that she was going to cancel the wedding and return the ring to her fiancee Sang; torn between Veronica and Caitlin, Dante was tempted to ask her out on a dinner and movie date after she stated that she was no longer engaged and had become single again: (Caitlin: "I choose you"); she left to share with her mother her recent "disengagement" news
Caitlin Bree (Lisa Spoonauer) with Dante
Caitlin with Randal
  • Randal returned and bragged about renting "Best of Both Worlds" ("Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs"), and admitted that he had sold the cigarettes to the young girl; Dante convinced Randal to tend the store, and also lock up later as he briefly left to change his clothes for his date; Caitlin returned and asked Randal if she could use the convenience store's dark bathroom
  • once Dante returned about an hour later, Caitlin emerged from the back of the store and asked: "How did you get here so fast?...Do you always talk this weird after you violate a woman?...It has never been like that before....When you just lay perfectly still and let me do everything"; she described how she had just sexually-serviced a very "ready" Dante in the employee's bathroom [Note: A few hours earlier, an elderly gent (Al Berkowitz) had asked Dante to use the bathroom including soft toilet tissue, and he had also borrowed a porno magazine from Dante for masturbation purposes.] An obviously-aroused Caitlin mistakenly thought that she had serviced Dante, as she had a few years earlier:("We didn't kiss or talk or anything. He just sat there and let me do all the work"); Dante scoffed at her: "It wasn't me!" and Randal asked: "You just f--ked a total stranger?"
  • when the police and a coroner (Pattijean Csik) were called, the situation was diagnosed: "The body can maintain an erection after expiration, sometimes for guess is, he was masturbating, his heart seized and he died. That's when the girl found him"; an EMT ambulance took the catatonic Caitlin (suffering from "shock trauma") and the corpse away
  • afterwards, Dante whined about his many dilemmas, and Randal reprimanded him and urged him to take responsibility for his life and instead to dedicate his life to improving himself rather than being self-pitying; he reminded Dante of his reluctance to change his situation and quit working in a low-level convenience store job: ("You should s--t or get off the pot...I'm talking about this thing you have, this inability to improve your station in life...You sit there and blame life for dealin' you a cruddy hand, never once accepting responsibility for the way your situation is...If you hate this job and the people. and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, why don't you quit?"); he also recommended that Dante quit equivocating between his two girlfriends; Dante was unwilling to be courageous and change from his routine way of life: "That's the way things are. They're not gonna change...I can't make changes in my life like that. lf l could, l would"; Randal asked: "So you're gonna be miserable 'cause you don't have the guts to face change?"
  • Jay (obsessed with drugs, partying, and sex) and Silent Bob briefly entered the Quick Stop to buy a few items; Silent Bob offered wise romance-advice to Dante - a rare speaking moment for him: "You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you"; his words helped convince Dante to restore and reconcile his relationship with Veronica: (Dante: "He's right. I love her")
  • however, at the same time in the video store, Randal was informing Veronica of Dante's renewed sexual interest in the slutty Caitlin: ("He doesn't love you anymore. He loves Caitlin"); as a result, Veronica confronted the indecisive Dante, threatened to offer more blow jobs: ("I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame with all the guys l go down on now!"), broke up with him, and called him a "f--king idiot" - knowing that he would fail and be dumped again by Caitlin: ("You want your slut? Fine, the slut is yours")
  • Dante realized that Randal had informed Veronica that she was about to be dumped, resulting in a rift and fight in the store between Randal and Dante that caused considerable damage; after Dante blamed everything on him, Randal delivered the film's closing: "We're So Advanced" diatribe: ("....Oh, f--k you! F--k you, pal! Jesus, there you go trying to pass the buck. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one?! You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself! 'I'm not even supposed to be here today.' You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder, like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you over-compensate for havin' what's basically a monkey's job. You push f--kin' buttons! Anybody could waltz in here and do our jobs. You, you're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante, and badly I might add. I work in a s--tty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right, man, he has no delusions about what he does. Us - we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper or God forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so f--kin' advanced, what are we doin' working here?")
  • in the film's denouement, the two reconciled and worked together to clean up the store and close up for the day; Dante described what he would do the following day - "Goin' to the hospital and visit Caitlin. And then I'm gonna try to talk to Veronica"; the last line of dialogue consisted of Randal's words to Dante as he tossed the shoe-polish sheet hanging outside into his face: "You're closed!"

Quick Stop Storefront With Large Bedsheet Sign: "I ASSURE YOU, WE'RE OPEN!"

Quick Stop Store Clerk Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran)

Customer's Rant Against Cigarettes to Another Customer

Jay and Silent Bob Loitering Outside the Next-Door Video Store

Customer's Further Rant to a Larger Audience Against the Cigarette Industry

Dante Saved by the Arrival of His Girlfriend Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti)

Dante's and Veronica's Discussion of Previous Sexual Partners Behind the Counter

The "I'm 37!" Scene

RST Video-store clerk Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson)

Randal's X-Rated Porn Video Phone Order in Front of Mother with Child

Star Wars Death Star Contractors Dialogue Between Dante and Randal

Egg-Man Searching for "The Perfect Dozen" in a Carton

Getting Ready to Play Street Hockey With His Friends On the Rooftop

Animated Lost Scene: Attending the Wake of Julie Dwyer - At the Open Casket

Customers (l to r): Trainer, Heather, Summons-Server

Caitlin Describing Her Mistaken Sexual Encounter with "Dante" in the Store's Dark Bathroom

The Coroner's Explanation of Caitlin Having Sex With a Dead Man

Jay and Silent Bob in the Store

Randal Informing Veronica of Dante's Interest in Caitlin

Dante Dumped by Veronica

Dante and Randal Fighting in Store

Randal's Final Advice to Dante: "We're So Advanced"

Dante with the Sheet and Randal's Last Words: "You're closed"

Clueless (1995)

  • writer/director Amy Heckerling's teen-oriented, coming-of-age comedy reimagined Jane Austen's 1815 novel Emma set in the contemporary, elite 1990s environment of SoCal, specifically the wealthy, consumeristic suburb of Beverly Hills
  • the central character was self-centered, ultra-rich, blonde Valley-Girl, 15 year-old sophomore high-schooler Cherilyn "Cher" Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) who spoke with distinctive lingo, including such slang expressions of the time as the PC-correct "hymenally-challenged" (instead of virgin), "as if," "what-ever," "surfing the crimson wave" (her menstrual period), "Baldwin" (meaning a very handsome male), "Betty" (Cher's term for the perfect girl), and "Monet" - ("It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess")
  • in the opening scene in her bedroom, the materialistic and vain Cher picked out her outfit for high school - using a computer to match her tops and bottoms: ("I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl. I mean, I get up, I brush my teeth. And I pick out my school clothes")
  • Cher briefly spoke to her ultra-protective, wealthy, widowed, litigation lawyer-father Melvin "Mel" Hamilton (Dan Hedaya) - she bragged about him in voice-over: ("And Daddy's so good, he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. He fights with me for free because I'm his daughter"); obviously spoiled, on her way to Bronson Alcott HS, Cher drove off (with a driving permit, but without a licensed driver with her) in a white Jeep to her friend's house, Dionne Davenport (Stacey Dash) (whose boyfriend in a "dramatic relationship" was Murray Duvall (Donald Faison)); she described her similarities with Dionne: "She's my friend because we both know what it's like to have people be jealous of us....Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials"; Cher breezed through a stop sign, and assured Dionne: "l totally paused"; unlike Dionne, Cher chose to only date non-HS boys: "They're like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them and they're just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you"
Minor Characters

Cher's Father Mel, Litigation Attorney

Cher's Best Friend Dionne Davenport

Cher's Ex-Stepbrother Josh
  • in her school's debate class led by balding Mr. Wendell Hall (Wallace Shawn), during a classroom debate sequence, Cher discussed the topic of immigration policy for two minutes against her opponent and social rival Amber Mariens (Elisa Donovan): ('Should all oppressed people be allowed refuge in America?'); during Cher's turn to argue the "pro" position, she spoke about the Haitian people (pronounced 'Hay-tee-ans') and used a garden party anecdote: ("But it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not R.S.V.P. So I was, like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier! And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty"); after Cher's side was presented, Amber claimed that she couldn't argue against Cher's inane statements: "If she doesn't do the assignment, I can't do mine"
  • in order to boost her semester grade of C in debate class, Cher decided to find a way to make her nerdy debate teacher Mr. Hall "sublimely happy" so that he would raise her grade: ("What that man needs is a good, healthy boink fest"); shortly later, she orchestrated match-making between Mr. Hall and Ms. Toby Geist (Twink Caplan) ("two lonely teachers") by writing a forged "Secret Admirer" love letter to Ms. Geist and other subterfuge to romantically bring them together

Mr. Wendell Hall

Ms. Toby Geist
  • at dinner time, Cher spoke with her own idealistic, college-aged ex-stepbrother Josh (Paul Rudd) who often visited to avoid his divorced mother and new stepfather; he was a socially-conscious, "do-good" environmentalist who was planning on going to school in the LA area; his non-materialistic values were completely contentious and opposite to Cher's; when they often sparred with each other, he denounced her as a "superficial space cadet" and mall-shopper, and told her of his disapproval of her shallow behavior: ("You know, if I ever saw you do anything that wasn't 90% selfish, I'd die of shock"), while she sarcastically called him an un-cool brown-noser: ("l so need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me that part about Kenny G again")
  • when her father asked about her grades, Cher described her general attitude toward report cards, and how she was maneuvering to raise her grades: ("Some teachers were trying to lowball me, Daddy. And I know how you say never accept a first offer. So I figured these grades are just a jumping-off point to start negotiations"); later, her father expressed surprise at her improved report card after she had successfully argued her way from a C+ to an A- and asserted to him: ("Totally based on my powers of persuasion, you proud?"); he responded: "Honey, l couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades"
  • on her way to PE with Dionne, Cher complained: "I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice"

Tai Frasier (Brittany Murphy) - New "Clueless" Transfer Student

Travis Birkenstock (Breckin Meyer) - Slacker and Skateboarder

Tai with Popular Student Elton Tiscia (Jeremy Sisto)
  • with Dionne, Cher (who was inspired "to do more good deeds") befriended grungy Tai Frasier (Brittany Murphy), a new (and "adorably clueless") transfer student; she attempted to give her a transformative makeover as her next "project" (with wardrobe recommendations) to increase her popularity, including bun-squeezing, aerobic workout sessions and vocabulary lessons; Cher thought she was rescuing Tai "from teenage hell": ("l'm going to take that lost soul in there and make her well-dressed and popular. Her life will be better because of me")
  • Cher's promotional efforts to encourage Tai to date handsome, rich, newly-single, popular student Elton Tiscia (Jeremy Sisto) soon failed because of Tai's strong interest in someone else - often-tardy, long-haired slacker and skateboarder Travis Birkenstock (Breckin Meyer); Cher regarded Travis as a 'doobie-smoking' "loader" that "no respectable girl actually dates"
  • during a party held in the Valley, Cher seemed to succeed in match-making Tai with Elton, and congratulated herself with an adapted quote from Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities: ("'Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people"); when Elton volunteered to drive her home because his route would be close by, he attempted to make out with her in his car; when she rejected him ("Leave me alone") and got out of the car in the parking lot of the iconic Circus Liquor Store in North Hollywood - with a gigantic 'evil clown' neon sign, he drove off and abandoned her
  • Cher was mugged and robbed of her cellphone and bag, and was forced to lie face-down on the pavement; she begged the robber (Jace Alexander) to excuse her because it would ruin her dress: ("Oh, no. You don't understand. This is an Alaia....It's, like a totally important designer"), but he insisted: "l will totally shoot you in the head. Get down"; Josh was called by payphone to pick up the stranded Cher and reluctantly ventured out to drive her back to Beverly Hills with his girlfriend Heather (Susan Mohun)
  • Cher continued her match-making efforts with Tai, who had failed in her efforts to date Elton; Cher and her girlfriends spoke about their status regarding virginity (Cher admitted she was "hymenally challenged," and Dionne explained how she was still "technically" virgin); there seemed to be no other options - as Cher insightfully described the current ragged way that guys dressed: "I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair and cover it up with a backwards cap and, like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so. Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie"
  • Cher began to swoon over a fashion-conscious new student named Christian Stovitz (Justin Walker), and tried to tempt him by pretending to be popular (by sending herself love letters and gifts of candy), and by showing a little skin: ("Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds guys of being naked, and then they think of sex")

Christian Stovitz (Justin Walker)

Cher Attempting to Entice Christian to Be Interested in Her
  • Cher accepted a Saturday date invitation with Christian to a dance party, who was warned by her father before they drove off: "Anything happens to my daughter, I've got a .45 and a shovel. I doubt anybody would miss you"; ostensibly to "protect" her but actually due to his own interest in Cher, Josh arrived at the party and danced with dateless Tai to please her, and eagerly volunteered to drive Cher home afterwards; they began to bond; on Cher's next date with Christian, he brought over two Tony Curtis videotapes to watch, Some Like it Hot and Spartacus - a hint that he was attracted to males, reinforced when he asked: "We're friends, right?"
  • with her friends Dionne and her boyfriend Murray while out on a drive, Cher questioned herself: "He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?"; Cher's pairing with Christian was doomed when Murray revealed that Christian lacked sexual interest in Cher because he was gay: ("Your man Christian is a cake boy!...He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm sayin'?...He's gay"); Cher realized how blind she was: "l'm totally buggin'. l feel like such a bonehead"; however, they became favorite "shopping partners"
  • after entering an LA freeway for the first time ("We're on the freeway!"), the reckless and illegal driver Dionne nearly caused multiple accidents; Murray was able to get Dionne to exit safely with helpful instruction and coaching, and the two kissed; Cher reacted: "Boy, getting off the freeway makes you realize how important love is. After that, Dionne's virginity went from technical to non-existent. And I realized how much I wanted a boyfriend of my own"
  • Cher became upset when Tai began to express an interest in Christian, and then jealous when she became more popular (as a "damsel in distress") after being rescued by Christian from pranksters dangling her off a mall balcony (Cher: "Tai being the most popular girl in school? It was like some sort of alternate universe")
  • during Cher's own driving test with a DMV officer (Ron Orbach), she almost hit a bicyclist, and also side-swiped another car when moving to the right lane in her white Jeep: ("Oh, my bad!" and "Oh, should I write them a note?"); the officer assessed her driving: ("We're going back to the DMV...It's over...How'd you do? Ha, ha, ha. Well, let's see, shall we? You can't park, you can't switch lanes, you can't make right hand turns, you damaged private property and you almost killed someone. Off hand, I'd say you failed")
  • and then after failing and being depressed, she found Josh and Tai flirtatiously playing a game of hacky-sack outside her home; when Cher suggested that Josh would not "mesh" well with her, Tai reprimanded Cher: "Why am l even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin who can't drive," and they had a falling-out; Cher began to think she had been wrong about everything: ("What did l do? I've created some sort of a monster"); she also realized that she was the "clueless" one: ("It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion, I was just totally clueless"), and suddenly had an epiphany - she was jealous because of her own growing love for Josh, but now felt awkward around him
  • to impress Josh with her more compassionate, purposeful and unselfish side, and to make-over her "soul" and be a better person, Cher volunteered to be the "CAPTAIN" of a charitable donation relief drive with Miss Geist to assist victims of a Pismo Beach disaster (fictitious), and began gathering items from her house, including canned goods, her unusued clothes, and even her athletic equipment
  • ultimately, after Tai made up and began pursuing Travis, Cher discovered an unexpected romance with Josh on her stairway where he complimented her: ("You're young and you're beautiful...You know you're gorgeous, all right? And popular and, uh, and, but this is not why I, you know, I come here"); and then he asked her: "Are you saying you care about me?" - and they shared a few tender kisses
  • Cher summarized as the scene shifted to a marriage ceremony: ("Well, you can guess what happened next - AS IF. I am only 16, and this is California, not Kentucky"); she was humorously referring to a match-making wedding that she attended in the film's conclusion between her two nerdy teachers Mr. Hall and Ms. Geist; after the ceremony, she was reconciled with her girlfriends Dionne and Tai, and was able to kiss Josh (her invited date) after triumphantly catching the flower bouquet

Cherilyn "Cher" Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) Narrating: "I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl..."

Cher Picking Out Her School Clothes Using a Computer Program

Cher at HS, Wearing a Yellow Kilt Pattern

Cher's Classroom Debate Scene

Cher Rationalizing to Her Father Why Her Report Card Had Low Grades

Cher with Dionne Complaining About Feeling Like a "Heifer"

Cher's Make-Over and Fitness Sessions with New "Clueless" Transfer Student Tai Frasier

Cher with Elton

At the Valley Party: (l to r) Cher, Elton, Tai

Cher - Attracting the Attention of Elton at the Party

Cher Rejecting Elton In His Car During a Ride Home After the Party

Cher Begging a Robber To Not Ruin Her Designer Dress

The Sloppy Way Guys Dressed According to Cher

Dionne's Dangerous Drive On an LA Freeway with Boyfriend Murray and Cher

DMV Driving Test Officer to Cher: "I'd say you failed"

Cher's Epiphany: "I Love Josh!"

First Romantic Kiss Between Josh and Cher At the Top of Staircase

Kiss after the Wedding of Ms. Geist and Mr. Hall

The Cocoanuts (1929)

  • the Marx Brothers' debut 96-minute film with music and lyrics by Irving Berlin was one of the earliest successful talkie films; it was derived from a Broadway musical stage hit, and was marked by numerous clever one-liners and puns and some memorable sequences, but also plagued with long musical interludes and stage-bound, primitive and unspired direction

Title Credits Visual Screen of Entire Cast
  • during the title credits, there was one visual screen with cameo portraits of each major cast member, identified with both their real names and character names
  • the film's story was set in the 1920s and opened on a Florida beach shoreline where vacationeers lounged, sunbathed, and were served food and drinks, and a bevy of 20 chorus girls in skimpy tank-top bathing suits were lined up in four rows and were performing an athletic, calisthenic dance, and lifeguards posed as they scanned the beach with binoculars
  • the main character was leering and corrupt real estate salesman Mr. Hammer (Groucho Marx) who owned and managed the struggling, basically vacant beach-front resort Hotel de Cocoanut, with his conservative assistant Jamison (Zeppo Marx); Hammer talked his demanding male and female bellhop employees out of their paychecks, reasoning: ("Wages? Do you want to be wage slaves, answer me that....Well, what makes wage slaves? Wages! I want you to be free...One for all, and all for me, and me for you, and three for five and six for a quarter")
  • Jamison presented Hammer with an unsigned Western Union telegram, announcing two guests' arrival as high-paying clients: ("We arrive this afternoon on the 4:30. Kindly reserve two floors and three ceilings....If we like your property, we will immediately buy it")
  • meanwhile on the hotel terrace, scheming, unethical socialite Penelope Martin (Kay Francis) proposed to glum partner-in-crime, socially-prominent, in-debt cad Harvey Yates (Cyril Ring) that they could make millions if he was unable to marry rich ingenue Polly Potter (Mary Eaton), the daughter of wealthy widow Mrs. Potter (Margaret Dumont - Groucho's favorite foil); if he could acquire Mrs. Potter's key, she would sneak into Mrs. Potter's hotel room (next to hers in Room #320 through a connecting, unlocked doorway) and steal her expensive diamond necklace locked in her dresser
  • Mrs. Potter wished her cute blonde daughter Polly to marry Harvey Yates, but Polly insisted on being with Bob Adams (Oscar Shaw), a lowly aspiring architect who worked at the hotel as a clerk; also on the hotel terrace, Bob told his girlfriend Polly that he had dreams of developing a nearby area of land and calling it Cocoanut Manor
  • Mrs. Potter was being conned and courted by fast-talking Hammer to acquire her money, and to fleece speculators by auctioning off Florida 'swamp land' in the Cocoanut Manor area: ("Here it is, Cocoanut Manor -- forty-two hours from Times Square by railroad. 16 hundred miles as the crow flies, 18 hundred as the horseflies. There you are, Cocoanut Manor -- glorifying the American sewer and the Florida sucker"); he went into a long diatribe with her about a land boom in Florida real estate, but judged the Cocoanut Beach area as the "black spot" of Florida - with "no snow, no ice, and no business"; he also joked about the vacant, nearby residential suburban area of Cocoanut Manor: ("It's the most exclusive residential district in Florida. Nobody lives there")
  • at the hotel's front desk, Hammer performed his famous ice-water routine when he answered a phone call from a guest in Room # 318 (Mrs. Potter's room!) requesting ice: "Oh, you want some [ice water]. Get some onions, that'll make your eyes (ice) water"
  • two freeloaders arrived in the lobby: Harpo (Harpo Marx, a harp and clarinet player), who appeared with a honking walking stick-cane, and Italian Chico (piano-playing Chico Marx); they had sent the telegram announcing their arrival, but Hammer said there were no room vacancies; Harpo ate plucked buttons from a bellhop's uniform, regarding them as candy; Hammer noticed their empty suitcase, but Chico explained that they would later fill it - with stolen goods: (Chico: "We fill it up before we leave"); Chico negotiated with Hammer for a room: (Hammer: "What do you want? Would you like a suite ('Swede') on the third floor?" Chico: "No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement"); when Chico asked to "double up" in a room, Hammer responded that he could easily cause stomach cramps with a fresh fruit diet: "Well, eat some green apples"
  • at the front desk, the undomesticated Harpo hurled pens at the wall in an imaginary game of darts, and Hammer (pretending to be a carnival pitchman) rewarded him with a cigar; behind the desk, Harpo also grabbed guests' mail from boxes and tore the letters up; he also stuck a pen into a desk sponge and began eating it (and smearing it with glue); he drank ink from an inkwell to wash it down, and chewed on buckweat flowers in a vase; (later, he came back and nibbled on the telephone mouthpiece); he also jumped behind the desk and rifled through the opened cash register (and then treated the keys as a sound maker with Chico to rhythmically sing "The Anvil Chorus"); afterwards, using multiple call bells, they summoned almost a dozen female bell-hops to the front lobby, and then chased after them

Harpo Ripping Up Hotel Guests' Mail

Harpo Eating Items at the Hotel's Front Desk

The "Anvil Chorus" Played On the Hotel's Cash Register
  • spontaneously, Hammer, Chico, and Harpo re-enacted Willard's famous "Spirit Of 76" painting in the hotel lobby, by pretending to march off as a fife and drum corps of the American Revolutionary War, playing an imaginary flute and drumming; Hammer placed a handkerchief as a bandage on his forehead
  • meanwhile, Penelope and Yates conspired to scapegoat the two petty criminal-freeloaders as the two culprits who had stolen Mrs. Potter's necklace, by having them appear outside Mrs. Potter's room (Room #318) at the time of the planned robbery
  • Chico humorously told Harpo how he desperately needed money: "Right now I'd do anything for money! I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill you for money. (pause) Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I kill you for nothing"
  • tall law enforcement officer Detective Hennessey (Basil Ruysdael) entered the hotel lobby, and immediately treated Harpo and Chico suspicously; he revealed his badge under his coat; Harpo responded by revealing a liquor bottle under his coat in the same place; as Hennessey left, Harpo revealed he had stolen his badge
  • the pompous pretender Mr. Hammer simultaneously courted and insulted Mrs. Potter: ("Your eyes, your eyes, they shine like the pants of a blue serge suit....That's not a reflection on you - it's on the pants"); he asked: "Are you sure your husband's dead?...Oh, but I love you, I love you! Can't you see how I'm pining for you?"; when asked by Mrs. Potter if he would be interested in her if she was poor: ("I don't think you'd love me if I were poor"), Hammer responded: "I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut"); then he tried to literally wrestle her, grab her and seduce her: "Well, say, that you'll be truly mine, or truly yours, or yours truly....Just think, tonight, tonight, when the moon is sneaking around the clouds, I'll be sneaking around you. I'll meet you tonight under the moon. Oh, I can see you now — you and the moon. You wear a neck-tie so I'll know ya"
Hammer Attempting to Seduce Mrs. Potter
  • in her room #320, Penelope tentatively entered connecting room #318 (Mrs. Potter's room), as Harpo entered her room from the hallway and then hid under her bed; he observed and listened as Harvey entered Penelope's room from the hallway and gave her the key to Mrs. Potter's locked jewelry case; he suggested that after the theft, the purloined diamond necklace could be stashed in a hollow tree stump a mile away; he gave her a map (with his notes) of the area, known as Cocoanut Manor; Harpo snatched the map with notes when Penelope dropped it into his hat (believing it was a wastebasket)
  • there was a short sequence of synchronized peekaboo, including the slow and rapid opening and slamming of hotel doors (at first, Hammer was at the outer door to #318, Penelope at the connecting door, and Chico at the outer hall door to #320); soon the three played a dizzying and confusing game of appearing and disappearing through all the doors of the adjoining rooms; Hammer addressed the camera: "This hotel not only has running water, it has running guests"; soon after Mrs. Potter arrived in her room, and Detective Hennessey also entered to look around (with Hammer shadowing him and keeping pace behind him without being detected)
  • during the crazy shenanigans in the connected rooms, Penelope was able to sneak into #318, open Mrs. Potter's dressing table drawer, and remove her necklace from the locked case; she then put the jewelry down the front of her dress before exiting into the hallway and back to her room
  • Hammer orchestrated a rigged Florida land auction sequence to sell lots in nearby Cocoanut Manor; there was clever wordplay between the two about lots: (Hammer: "You know what a lot is?" Chico: "Yeah, its-a too much" Hammer: "I-I don't mean a whole lot, just a little lot with nothing on it." Chico: "Any time you gotta too much, you gotta whole lot....Sometimes you got a little bit. You no think it's enough, somebody else maybe think it's-a too much, it's-a whole lot too. Now, it's-a whole lot, it's-a too much, it's-a too much, it's-a whole lot -- same thing")
  • Hammer showed Chico a wet blueprint map of the area to be auctioned off: "On this site, we're going to build an Eye and Ear Hospital. This is gonna be a sight for sore eyes. You understand?"; Hammer also described the river area: "And all along the river, all along the river, those are all levees (Levites)"; Chico asked: "That's the Jewish neighborhood?"; Hammer paused before answering: "Well, we'll Passover that"
  • their conversation segued into the film's most famous sequence - a tongue-twisting, precisely-timed "viaduct"/"Why a Duck?" routine between con man Chico and Hammer, beginning with: "Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland"; Chico obfuscated and kept replying: "Why a duck?"
  • Chico was chosen to aid him by masquerading as a bidder to inflate the sales prices ("If somebody says $100, you say $200"); at the auction site, Hammer called everyone's attention to the upcoming auction: "All ye suckers who are gonna get trimmed, step this way for the big swindle!"; before the questionable auction commenced, Polly (in a thin sundress) provided entertainment by singing: "The Monkey-Doodle-Doo"; as she twirled around and danced, she was backed by a troupe of dancers in jungle costumes
  • as the auction began, the swindling promoter and auctioneer Hammer spoke: "Florida, folks! Sunshine, sunshine! Perpetual sunshine all the year around! Let's get the auction started before we get a tornado"; he described the residences to be built on the lots, and offered a worthless personal guarantee: "You can have any kind of a home you want to. You can even get stucco -- Oh, how you can get stuck-o!"; he added: "Now is the time to buy while the new boom is on. Remember that old saying: 'a new boom sweeps clean' and don't forget the guarantee - my personal guarantee: If these lots don't double in value in a year, I don't know what you can do about it"
  • Chico got carried away and persistently did most of the auction bidding, and kept outbidding himself!; after the aggravated Hammer sold his first lot to Chico, he told Jamison: "Wrap up that lot and put some poison ivy on it"; he also offered additional words of advice: "Believe me, you gotta get up early if you want to get out of bed"; Chico bragged about his bidding abilities: "When I start, I no stop-a for nothing. I bid 'em up. I go higher, higher, higher, all the time is go higher"; after Chico stalked off in a huff, Hammer was forced to beg for bids and threatened to quit: ("Well, if there's not gonna be any more bidding, I might as well quit. What's the matter with you people? Can't you visualize bargains? Don't you want to make money?")
  • Mrs. Potter broke up the auction by announcing distressful news that she had been robbed of her expensive diamond necklace worth $100,000 dollars; Hammer asked: "Was it valuable?"; she offered a reward of $1,000 dollars, but Chico out-bid her and offered $2,000 dollars
  • bumbling and gullible Detective Hennessey entered to investigate the theft, and quickly suspected Harpo; to vindicate himself, Harpo led everyone to the tree stump and fished out the stolen necklace; but Hennessey felt he was being fooled: "So that's it! I saw you in that room last night. Grabbin' off stuff for the reward, eh? Now, then, you -- come clean!"; Harvey stepped forward and insinuated that Polly's suitor Bob Adams, who had outbid Harvey for the lot where the tree was located, was the actual culprit
  • Penelope reinforced Harvey's suspicions by framing Bob; she claimed that he had told her the night before that he had stolen the necklace for her; Penelope further lied when she claimed: "He didn't know what he was doing. I begged him to take it back"; Hennessey arrested Bob and led him away, as Mrs. Potter denounced Polly's fiancee; she confirmed that Polly would be marrying Harvey instead: ("Your engagement will be announced tonight")
  • in the next scene, Chico and Harpo attempted to break Bob out of jail, and he became eager to join them when he learned that Polly was being set up to marry Harvey Yates; kleptomaniac and pickpocket Harpo proved Bob's innocence, by providing the thieves' map and note (Harpo had stolen it while hiding under Penelope's hotel room bed)
  • on the hotel terrace that evening, a nonsensical, South American gaucho-themed wedding announcement party and dinner was held; chorus girls danced, viewed with an innovative, pre-Busby Berkeley aerial shot of their choreography as they created kaleidoscopic patterns; they also formed a chorus line and performed synchronized kicks and arm-waving; wearing a low-cut gown, Polly sang a refrain of "When My Dreams Come True"
  • during the theme party, the brothers stole Detective Hennessey's undershirt (who complained "Who got my shirt?! What's become of my shirt? I want my shirt") as they played a game of tic-tac-toe on it; in a musical sequence known as "I Lost My Shirt," the guests sang "The Tale of the Shirt" to the tune of Georges Bizet's Carmen
At the Wedding Announcement Party and Dinner

Marx. Bros. in Ludicrous Gaucho Costumes at Party

Hennessey: "I Want My Shirt!"

Playing Tic-Tac-Toe on Hennessey's Undershirt

The Progressively Drunken Harpo at the Party
  • Hammer was appointed the Master of Ceremonies at the dinner and delivered a non-sensical rambling speech as he stood on a chair, while Harpo became progressively more and more inebriated as he kept leaving the scene to visit the spiked punch-bowl; Hammer then introduced Mrs. Potter as "the well-preserved and partially pickled, Mrs. Potter"; he criticized her as she spoke: "The old gal is stewed to the eyebrows"; Chico entertained the guests at the piano with the playing of Victor Herbert's "Gypsy Love Song," while often using his trademark "shoot the keys" technique
  • afterwards, Polly stood up and incriminated Harvey for drawing a map to Cocoanut Manor's tree stump where the jewels were hidden, since his handwriting matched an engagement note he had also written to her; the crooked Yates fled from the party as legitimate land tycoon John W. Berryman arrived; he offered to purchase Bob's design plans for Cocoanut Manor, and asked Hammer if he could accommodate 400 guests for the weekend; the threesome of Hammer, Chico, and Harpo quickly exited the table

Polly Exposing the Duplicity of the Crooked Yates - The Author of Notes on a Map Showing the Location of Tree Stump With Stolen Jewels

Mrs. Potter Announcing New Wedding Plans for Bob Adams and Polly
  • now declared innocent, Bob's fortunes improved when Mrs. Potter apologized and announced a change in the proceedings - her daughter would now be marrying bridegroom Robert Adams; nearby, Hennessey's new handcuffed prisoners were Yates and Penelope

Opening Sequence on a Florida Beach: Athletic Bathing Beauties

Hotel Manager Mr. Hammer (Groucho Marx) with Unpaid Bell-Hops

Penelope Martin (Kay Francis) Scheming with Social Cad Harvey Yates (Cyril Ring) to Steal Mrs. Potter's Necklace

Lovers: Bob Adams and Miss Polly Potter

Polly Reprimanded by her Mother, Wealthy Widow Mrs. Potter (Margaret Dumont), For Being With Bob

Florida Hotel Owner Mr. Hammer (Groucho Marx) with Mrs. Potter

Two Freeloaders: Chico and Harpo with Mr. Hammer in the Hotel's Lobby

Threesome Re-Enacting 'Spirit of '76' March in Lobby

Police Detective Hennessey Showing His Badge, and Harpo Showing a Liquor Bottle

Penelope Plotting with Harvey in Her Room (#320) to Steal Mrs. Potter's Necklace, and Hide it In a Tree Stump

Lots of Running Around in Connecting Hotel Rooms (l: #318 and r: #320) - An Early Split-Screen

Penelope's Theft of Mrs. Potter's Necklace

Wordplay About Sale of Lots at Cocoanut Manor Between Chico and Hammer

"Why a Duck?" (Viaduct) Routine Between Hammer and Chico

Polly Twirling Around in a Skimpy Sun Dress with Jungle-Costumed Dancers
("The Monkey-Doodle-Doo")

Hammer Leading a Rigged Land Auction with Chico as His Main Bidder

Hammer Offering Asides During the Auction

Harpo Locating Mrs. Potter's Necklace Hidden in Nearby Tree Stump

Fiancee Bob Adams Framed by Penelope and Denounced by Mrs. Potter

Bob's Jail-Break

Innovative Aerial View of Dancers at Engagement Announcement Party

Polly Singing: "When My Dreams Come True"

The Conclusion: The Happily-Engaged Couple

Coming to America (1988)

  • director John Landis' romantic comedy told about an African prince who refused an arranged marriage, and traveled to America to find a wife; the film became notorious when humorist and Washington Post columnist Art Buchwald sued Paramount Pictures for $5 million, alleging plagiarism of his story idea titled King for a Day; after a seven year battle, Buchwald won his lawsuit
  • in the film's opening, on his 21st birthday, wealthy, pampered, sweet-natured African Prince Akeem Joffer (Eddie Murphy) lived in a luxurious royal palace in Zamunda, Africa; he was unexcited about meeting his wife-to-be and preferred to select his own wife rather than accepting a bride he had never seen: "But how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?"
  • Akeem was attended in a large pool by a Nubian bather (Felicia Taylor), while a second bather (Victoria Dillard) declared after emerging from under the water: "The royal penis is clean, your Highness"
  • afterwards at breakfast sitting at a long table, Akeem argued with his traditionalist father King Jaffe Joffer (James Earl Jones), married to Queen Aoleon (Madge Sinclair): "Just for once, I would like to cook for myself and take care of myself, dress myself, wipe my own backside. Why can't I find my own wife?"; Akeem also complained about African traditions, and stated that he preferred a free-thinking individual who would be his intellectual equal in a loving relationship: ("when I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am...I want a woman that's going to arouse my intellect as well as my loins!")
  • during a workout together, Akeem's best friend and retainer Semmi (Arsenio Hall) disagreed with Akeem's non-traditional perspective about having an opinionated wife: "Hippopotamus s--t! You're the heir to the throne of Zamunda. Your wife need only have a pretty face, a firm backside, and big breasts like casaba melons"
  • an arranged marriage had been set up with Colonel Izzi's (Calvin Lockhart) beautiful daughter Imani (Vanessa Bell) who had been raised to be subservient and obedient as his Queen-to-be; Akeem became concerned about her answers when he met her for the first time in private and she admitted: ("Ever since I was born, I've been trained to serve you"); Akeem was aggravated by her persistence in deferring to him, and he reprimanded her: "This is impossible. Listen, from this moment on, I command you not to obey me!"
  • during a stroll in the garden, his father allowed his princely son a period of 40 days to travel to America, to "experience the outside world," and to sow his royal oats: ("You're right! Get out, see the world, enjoy yourself, fulfill every erotic desire"); Akeem was allowed a 40-day trip after which he was expected to return to marry Imani; Akeem would be accompanied on the regal trip with his best friend Semmi, who was excited about the upcoming trip: "40 days of fornication" and of course, they would travel to Queens: ("Where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king. Queens"), believing it would be filled with potential brides
  • flying on a British Airways Concorde, they arrived in NYC where they immediately took a taxi to the borough of Queens ("Take us to the most common part" they ordered the incredulous driver (Jake Steinfeld))
  • in the nearby MY-T-SHARP barber shop in Queens, four characters (two played by Eddie Murphy (including an elderly white Jewish man named Saul) and one played by Arsenio Hall) argued, in an on-going discussion, about the best boxer in history; when Morris mentioned Cassius Clay, they disagreed about whether or not he should have changed his name from Muhammed Ali
Multiple Barbershop Characters

Clarence (Eddie Murphy)

Saul (Eddie Murphy)

Morris (Arsenio Hall)

Sweets (Clint Smith)
  • when Akeem and Semmi entered a cheap tenement building to rent an apartment from a landlord (Frankie Faison) in the borough of Queens (in a slummy area known as Jamaica Estates), their luggage deposited on the street was stolen; they were shown a rat-infested, second floor apartment (the scene of a recent murder of the previous tenant, a blind man with his dog) had a shared bathroom and the elevator was out of order
  • outside their room on a New York fire-escape, Prince Akeem called out to his ghetto neighbors: "Good morning, my neighbors!"; an unidentified voice responded: "Hey, f--k you!"; Akeem happily returned the compliment: "Yes, yes! F--k you too!"; shortly later, they were approached by a street hustler (Ruben Santiago-Hudson) trying to sell them their own stolen, gold-plated toothbrushes
  • the two attempted to wear normal street clothes as New Yorkers to disguise their identity; they emerged from a store looking like typical tourists with I LUV New York buttons and other paraphernalia; they returned to their apartment and visited the next door barbershop, where the argument continued; when Saul asked about Rocky Marciano, Clarence was aggravated: ("There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxin', a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out of their ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't s--t"); Saul retorted: "He beat Joe Louis' ass"
  • when Akeem sat down in Clarence's barber chair and showed off his ponytail, he claimed: "It's my natural hair. I'm been growing it since birth"; Clarence asked: "What kind of chemicals you got in there?" Akeem answered: "I don't put no chemicals, only juices and berries"; the barber disagreed: "That ain't nothin' but Ultra-Perm. Tell me how you want me to cut this?" Akeem specified: "Just make it nice and neat"; after one quick snip of the ponytail, the eight-dollar haircut consisted on only one scissors cut
  • they attended a local night-club/bar to meet suitable female candidates for Akeem's Queen; Akeem and Semmi interviewed NYC candidates for Akeem's bride-to-be:
    - the first woman claimed she was a Devil Woman (Patricia Matthews): "I've got a secret. I worship the devil"
    - one large black woman, credited as Big Stank Woman (Mary Bond Davis), complained: "I can't find a man that can satisfy me. Now, some guys go an hour, hour and a half. That's it. A man's got to put in overtime for me to get off"
    - another pretty one, credited as Stuck-Up Girl (Kara Young) claimed: "I'm not interested in a man unless he drives a BMW"
    - a third Tough Girl (Carla Earle) said: "I'm almost single. My husband's on death-row"
    - two ex-Siamese twin sisters (Karen and Sharon Owens) asserted, in unison: "This is the first date Teresa and I have been on since the doctor separated us"
    - a Kinky black woman (Lisa Gumora) with big breasts boasted: "I'm into the group thing"
    - a masochistic Strange female (June Boykins) who burned her hand with a lighter said: "I was Joan of Arc in my former life"
    - two identical twin black rappers Fresh Peaches (Janette Colon) and Sugar Cube (Vanessa Colon) sang together: "My name is Peaches, and I'm the best. All the DJs want to feel my breasts"
    - a long-winded starlet, credited as Boring Girl (Monique Mannen) asserted: "I want to work in video, but really I want to be my own star in the videos, because I wanna become a pop singer, and a rock singer, and write my own songs, produce my own songs. And then I'm gonna try an actress, because people tell me how talented I am, I'm a natural and stuff like that. So, then I'm gonna write my own stories and direct my own stories, you know, produce the movies I'm doing..."
    - and finally, the last candidate (Arsenio Hall in drag, credited as an Extremely Ugly Girl) with a husky male voice apologized: "I hope you don't mind me coming over and sitting down. But I'm been watching you all evening. And I want to tear you apart, and your friend, too"; Semmi did a spit-take at the thought!; no one was found to be suitable
  • back outside the barbershop, Akeem asked Clarence where he could find women after visiting "every bar in Queens"; Clarence told them they were looking in the wrong places: "You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'uhm, church, they're good girls"
  • they were led to a local Miss Black Awareness beauty pageant and rally led by perverted evangelist Reverend Brown (Arsenio Hall) during Black Awareness Week; Akeem yelled out: ("I am very happy to be here!"); Rev. Brown introduced local lounge soul singer Randy Jackson (Eddie Murphy in disguise) with his band Sexual Chocolate, who sang "The Greatest Love of All" to an unappreciative audience
  • the event was sponsored by a fast-food restaurant known as McDowell's, managed by the local restaurateur Cleo McDowell (John Amos) who provided the food and beverages; it was love at first sight when the infatuated Akeem saw Cleo's pretty daughter Lisa McDowell (Shari Headley) introduced on-stage; after she asked for donations to build Lincoln Park for the local children, Akeem stuffed the donation basket with a large wad of cash
  • the next day, the two visited the fast-food restaurant on Queens Blvd., where they portrayed themselves as college exchange-students to obtain a local "Joe job" as minimum-wage workers at McDowell's
  • McDowell explained the difference between his restaurant and McDonalds: "Look, me and the McDonald's people, we've got this little misunderstanding, hmm? See, they're McDonald's. I'm McDowell's. Huh? They've got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They say they got the Big Mac. I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but they use a sesame seed bun. My buns have no seeds"
  • while collecting garbage and mopping, Akeem interrupted Lisa in the restaurant office and formally told her: "Do you have any that requires disposal?...When it fills up, don't be afraid to call me. I will come to take it out most urgently....When you think of garbage, think of Akeem!"
  • complications arose when Lisa's jealous rich boyfriend, Darryl Jenks (Eriq La Salle), heir to the inventor of Soul Glo Jheri curl cream, took false credit for Akeem's large anonymous donation at the Black Awareness pageant
  • in love with Lisa, Akeem tried to impress her with an anonymous gift of ruby earrings worth $500,000 dollars - the box's note stated: "FROM AN ADMIRER NOT DARRYL"; Lisa's younger sister Patrice McDowell (Allison Dean) was suspicous about Lisa: "I don't care how much a man admires you, he's not going to give you earrings like that unless you givin' him a little booty"; Akeem was invited to St. John's basketball game with Patrice, while Lisa double-dated with an obnoxious Darryl; Akeem found his clothed lap being fondled under his jacket by the flirtatious Patrice; while standing in line at the restroom, Akeem was recognized by two Zamundans, whose bowing down, idol-worshipping, picture-taking and supplications confused Lisa
  • one night in the restaurant, Akeem also impressed Lisa by quoting Nietzche: "'He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk.' One cannot fly into flying. That is not mine. That is Nietzsche's"; Akeem politely warned a Hold-Up Man (Samuel L. Jackson): ("I've warned you. I'll be forced to thrash you") before disarming his shotgun and knife and preventing him from robbing the restaurant
  • as a reward, Cleo invited Akeem and Semmi to work at a Sunday night "get-together" hosted at his house - parking cars and serving champagne; during the evening, Cleo made the surprise announcement of Lisa's engagement to Darryl - even though the groom hadn't even asked her yet: ("I'm just not going to be pressured into marriage, not by Darryl or my father or anybody"); Akeem sympathized with Lisa's predicament of being pressured into marriage, but still did not divulge his royal roots; she admitted she liked talking to him: "I feel like I could tell you anything"
  • Akeem impressed Lisa by asking her to dinner at his "humble abode" (to cook for her), but was forced to instantly change plans when he discovered Semmi had modernized their apartment (with a hot tub, new furniture, etc.); as they walked to dinner at a restaurant and strolled along the river, Akeem put a package filled with a huge wad of cash next to two panhandlers: Randolph (Ralph Bellamy) and Mortimer Duke (Don Ameche); Randolph exclaimed: "We're back!"; during dinner, Lisa complimented Akeem: "You have a kind of inner glow, like, you're above anything petty. It's almost regal"; the couple danced and kissed, and began to fall in love - to the tune of Jackie Wilson singing "To Be Loved"
  • Semmi realized that they were in financial "dire straits," and without Akeem's knowledge, he prepared a telegram requesting $300,000 dollars from Akeem's parents to replenish their funds; in a hilarious short scene, a Telegraph Lady (Elaine Kagan) kept encouraging Semmi to raise the amount of money he was requesting: ("As long as you're asking, why don't we go for a cool million?"); meanwhile, Patrice discovered their charade when she saw their renovated apartment and asked Semmi: "What are you two involved in? You can't afford all this stuff on your salaries"; he lied to her and told her that he was an African prince, and Akeem was his servant
  • Akeem's charade about his royal tutelage began to unravel when his royal parents arrived unannounced with an entourage in New York; they first searched for him in the tenement building (by this time, Akeem and Semmi had switched apartments with the landlord), and then at his place of work at McDowell's, where Cleo was astounded to learn that his lowly employee was the "sole heir" to the throne of Zamunda: ("I always knew there was something special about that boy"); King Jaffe became enraged when he learned that Akeem had been working there, and was out on a date with Lisa
  • after Akeem learned that they were in town by a trail of rose petals at his apartment building, he continued to dodge his royal status and duties, and tried to prevent Lisa from knowing about his background; however, her ecstatic father revealed to her that Akeem was a Prince with "his own money": ("He's a prince! Oh Lisa, you did it this time! You hit the jackpot! Your little goat herder makes Darryl look like a welfare case")
  • Akeem's father King Jaffe arrived at the McDowell residence and revealed to Lisa that Akeem had been promised in an arranged marriage to a Zamundan princess: ("So you see, he could not be at all serious about you. Akeem came to America to, uhm, sow his royal oats"); Lisa was distressed by the news and rushed from the house
  • Jaffe attempted to buy off Lisa's father by writing him a check for $2 million dollars for his "inconvenience," but Cleo felt insulted by having his family treated as lower-class: "You haven't got enough money to buy my daughter off.. I don't give a damn who you are! This is America, Jack. Now, you say one more word about Lisa here and I'ma break my foot off in your royal ass!"; Semmi's deception that he was the Prince was also divulged - upsetting Patrice who learned that Lisa was in love with Akeem: "How come she always gets the good ones?"; however, she quickly pivoted and became attentive to Lisa's "dumped" boyfriend Darryl
  • Akeem was encouraged by his mother to pursue after Lisa when she realized that her son was truly in love; after a chase into the subway system, Akeem told Lisa of his love for her, and how he would give up his throne and his royal birthright in order to marry her, but she refused his offer because he had been untruthful and deceptive about his identity as a Prince from the very start: ("I can't let you do that"), and she exited the subway
  • the film concluded with Akeem's forced return to Africa without Lisa - broken-hearted and dejected; Semmi tried to raise his spirits as they sat in a car motorcade about to leave the Waldorf-Astoria: ("Look at it this way, at least we learned how to make French Fries")
  • in the final scene, at his planned marriage ceremony during the service, Lisa was revealed as the bride when she lifted her veil; afterwards, they rode off in a royal carriage, as Lisa asked: ("Would you really have given up all of this just for me?"); Akeem replied: "Of course. If you like, we can give it all up now," but she refused to give up his luxurious lifestyle: "NAH!"

Akeem's Parents King Jaffe and Queen Aoleon

Prince Akeem's (Eddie Murphy) Reaction to Having His Private Parts Bathed

Akeem's Best Friend Semmi (Arsenio Hall)

Akeem's Bride-to-Be Imani (Vanessa Bell)

Prince Akeem on NYC Tenement Fire-Escape: "Good morning, my neighbors!"

Akeem With Ordinary Street Clothes in Barbershop

At a NYC Nightclub Interviewing Candidates:

Big Stank Woman (Mary Bond Davis)

Kinky Girl (Lisa Gumora)

Boring Girl (Monique Mannen)

Extremely Ugly Girl (Arsenio Hall in Drag)

Black Awareness Week and Reverend Brown (Arsenio Hall)

Randy Watson (Eddie Murphy) with Sexual Chocolate Singing "The Greatest Love of All"

Fast Food Manager Cleo McDowell (John Amos) with Youngest Daughter Patrice (Allison Dean)

Cleo's Older Daughter Shari

Cleo McDowell Hiring Akeem and Semmi as Cleaning-Workers at McDowell's

Lisa's Boyfriend Darryl Jenks (Eriq La Salle)

Akeem at BB game with Patrice, and Lisa with Darryl

Hold-Up Man (Samuel L. Jackson) in Fast-Food Restaurant

Lisa - Resistant to Being Pressured to Marry Darryl by Her Father

Lisa and Akeem Beginning to Fall in Love

Telegraph Lady to Semmi: "Why don't we go for a cool million?"

Akeem to Lisa on the Subway - He Vowed to Give Up His Throne

The Wedding Ceremony

After the Ceremony: "Would you really have given up all of this just for me?"

The Court Jester (1955)

  • the film was notorious for its infamous, tongue-twisting and rhyming wordplay and convoluted dialogue
  • the mad-cap comedy was about a spy - medieval carnival entertainer-performer Hubert Hawkins (Danny Kaye) - who was to infiltrate into the ranks of the evil and tyrannical King Roderick (Cecil Parker) by impersonating or masquerading as court jester Giacomo (John Carradine)); his objective was to restore the rightful heir to the throne - a baby boy with a royal birthmark (the purple pimpernel) on his behind
  • the first tongue-twister was between King Roderick and Hubert Hawkins:
    - The Duke. What did the Duke do?
    - Uh, the Duke do?
    - Yes. And what about the Doge?
    - Oh, the Doge!
    - Uh. Well what did the Doge do?
    - The Doge do?
    - Yes, the Doge do.
    - Well, uh, the Doge did what the Doge does. Uh, when the Doge does his duty to the Duke, that is.
    - What? What's that?
    - Oh, it's very simple, sire. When the Doge did his duty and the Duke didn't, that's when the Duchess did the dirt to the Duke with the Doge.
    - Who did what to what?
    - Oh, they all did, sire. There they were in the dark; the Duke with his dagger, the Doge with his dart, and the Duchess with her dirk.
    - Duchess with her dirk?
    - Yes! The Duchess dove at the Duke just when the Duke dove at the Doge. Now the Duke ducked, the Doge dodged, and the Duchess didn't. So the Duke got the Duchess, the Duchess got the Doge, and the Doge got the Duke!
  • the fake court jester Hubert Hawkins/Giacomo was under the hypnotic spell of ambitious court witch Griselda (Mildred Natwick); the spell cast on the jester by Griselda could hilariously be undone - and reinstated - by just a snap of the fingers, with comic results; it was employed in the scene in which he was hypnotized (to believe he was a dashing lover) and he snuck into the chambers of the King's daughter, Princess Gwendolyn (Angela Lansbury), to woo her: ("What manner of man is Giacomo? Ha ha! I shall tell you what manner of man is he. He lives for a sigh, he dies for a kiss, he lusts for the laugh, ha! He never walks when he can leap! He never flees when he can fight (thud), Oop! He swoons at the beauty of a rose. And I offer myself to you, all of me. My heart. My lips. My legs. My calves. Do what you will - my love endures. Beat me. Kick me. (kiss, kiss) I am yours")
  • Hubert Hawkins/Giacomo and witch Griselda (Mildred Natwick) had a discussion about a riddle, with instructions on how to avoid a poisoned drink; specifically, it was about his having to remember the cup location for a pre-joust toast with a drink that was poisoned, but then -- there was much confusion with a change in the directions, with hilarious results:
    - "I've got it! I've got it! The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?"
    - "Right. But there's been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace!"
    - "They broke the chalice from the palace?"
    - "And replaced it with a flagon."
    - "A flagon...?"
    - "With the figure of a dragon."
    - "Flagon with a dragon."
    - "Right."
    - "But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?"
    - "No! The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!"
    - "The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true."
    - "Just remember that..."
Witch Griselda's First Set of Directions: "The Pellet with the Poison's in the Vessel with the Pestle"
Griselda's Corrected Second Set of Directions: "The Pellet with the Poison's in the Flagon with the Dragon"

Hubert Hawkins (Danny Kaye) Posing as Court Jester "Giacomo"

Tongue-Twisting Dialogue Between "Giacomo" and King Roderick: "What did the Duke do?"

At the Banquet, "Giacomo" With the Basket Hiding the Royal Child

A Hypnotizing Spell Cast by Griselda Upon "Giacomo"

Under the Spell, Court Jester "Giacomo" Romanced Princess Gwendolyn

"Crocodile" Dundee (1986)

  • in the surprise, immensely-popular sleeper hit and romantic adventure comedy from Australia, American newspaper feature reporter Sue Charlton (Linda Kozlowski) - working for Newsday in NYC owned by her father - begged with her boyfriend and editor Richard Mason (Mark Blum) to remain longer in Australia, to cover rugged crocodile hunter Michael (Mick) J. Dundee (Paul Hogan, co-nominated for Best Original Screenplay, and Kozlowski's real-life husband), nicknamed 'Crocodile'; he had recently become notorious after surviving an attack of a monstrous salt-water crocodile in the Northern Territory of Australia, and reportedly had his leg half-bitten off before crawling to safety (he bypassed a hospital for a pub); before hanging up, Sue assured Richard: "Don't worry. I'm a New Yorker!"
  • Sue was intent on interviewing Dundee at his safari business at Walkabout Creek, known as Never Never Safari Tours, and flew by plane to Darwin where she was met by a helicopter; after landing in the dusty and deserted outback town, she met Dundee's business partner Walter "Wally" Reilly (John Meillon), who confirmed that she would be paying $2,500 dollars for the exclusive story; it appeared Mick's exploit was a 'tall-tale' when pub bartender Ida (Maggie Blinco) laughed at Wally: "That story's gettin' better every time you tell it, Wally!"

Reporter Sue Charlton (Linda Kozlowski)

Sue's Newsday Editor Richard Mason (Mark Blum)

Walter Reilly (John Meillon) in Walkabout Creek
  • the uncouth Australian Outback ranger 'Crocodile' Dundee made a dramatic entrance into the town's pub with rowdy customers, while pretending to wrestle a crocodile (revealed to be stuffed) and throwing his large bushwhacker Bowie knife into the side of the wooden bar; he ordered drinks from Ida: ("Two beers, Ida. One for me, and one for me mate"); he admitted to Sue that his encounter with a crocodile was a "slight exaggeration," although he sported a leg scar under his trousers that he called a "love bite"; while dancing with Sue, a group of out-of-town city cowboys (kangaroo shooters) made fun of Dundee - who retaliated by punching their main instigator in the face
  • while driving into the outback the next morning in the tour's rattle-trap jeep with Sue and Wally, Dundee spoke of his marital status: "I was sorta married once - nice girl, good cook, BIG chest. Anyway, I went off on walkabout. When I came back, she'd gone" - Walter added he deserted her for 18 months, and Sue remarked: "And she didn't wait? Strange girl"
  • Sue and Dundee treked to their camp in the outback to stay for a few nights - at the site where he was attacked; on the way, he mesmerized a water buffalo blocking their path by stroking its muzzle until it collapsed after falling asleep; he described the incident with the croc: "He just wanted grab hold of me and take me down for a death roll"; she realized he was lying when he claimed he was only fishing, but bullet shells revealed he had been illegally hunting crocs
  • around a campfire, she admitted that she had once been married to a well-meaning "original rebel" who protest-marched for every leftist cause; Dundee labeled him a "prize ratbag"; he described the Aboriginal communal view of land ownership: "Ah, well, you see, Aborigines don't own the land. They belong to it. It's like their mother. See those rocks sticking up there? Been standing up there for 600 million years. Still be there when you and I are gone. So arguing over who owns 'em is like two fleas arguing over who owns the dog they live on"; while speaking, he non-chalantly killed a deadly-poisonous king brown snake with his bare hands
  • in the middle of the night, they were awakened by the "dangerous bastards" from the pub, who were cruelly shooting at kangaroos for fun; Dundee scared them off by firing at them with his rifle
  • the next morning, as she recorded her thoughts into an audio device about feeling alone in the emptiness of the outback, he expressed long-held misogynistic attitudes: "A city girl like you. You wouldn't last five minutes, love. This is man's country out here"; she agreed and called herself a "sheila" - but then to prove him wrong and to assert her independence, she trekked off alone (carrying a rifle) to an escarpment to later meet up with Dundee
  • in the wild as she waded into the edge of a billabong in a black leotard to fill her canteen, a large crocodile lunged out of the water, grabbed her canteen strap, and threatened to pull her in; to the rescue, Dundee (who had been shadowing her) appeared and twisted a knife into the crocodile's head; when she asked: "Is it dead?", he replied: "Well, if it isn't, I'm goin' to have a hell of a job skinnin' the bastard"; afterwards, he roasted it like a giant shish kabob; she remarked under her breath: "Oh, Christ, it's like living with Davy Crockett"
  • Dundee was perturbed when they were interrupted by the unexpected arrival of aborigine Neville Bell (David Gulpilil), one of his partners: "Sneakin' up on a man when he's rendering first-aid to a lady"; Neville was on his way to a corroboree (a ritualistic dance ceremony and festival of Pitjantjatjara Aboriginals) at the Jabba; he declined having his photograph taken by Sue - not for any spiritual reason, but because she had forgotten to remove her lens cap; Dundee joined Neville at the ceremony (while Sue remained on the outskirts of the male-dominated event and stealthily took photos)
  • afterwards that evening, Sue exclaimed: "That croc was gonna eat me alive," Dundee offered her a veiled compliment: "Well, I wouldn't hold that against him. Same thought crossed my mind once or twice"; while camping out, he encouraged her to eat roasted goanna (aka monitor lizard), yams, grubs, and sugar ants, but refused for himself: ("You can live on it. But it tastes like s--t")
  • to wrap up her story, she proposed that he join her and return to NYC (at the paper's expense); when he wondered to himself: ("For a minute there, I thought you were making a pass at me"), she half-heartedly agreed: "Well, I might have been" - and they briefly kissed
  • they flew to NYC on a Qantas Airlines plane, where there were a series of fish-out-of-water sequences, beginning with an airport escalator; he remarked about the crowded urban city: "Imagine seven million people all wanting to live together. Yep. New York must be the friendliest place on earth"; on his way into town in a chauffeured limousine, he was over-friendly with complete strangers, and he thought that the black limo driver named Gus (Reginald VelJohnson) was from an unusually well-to-do "tribe"; the news magazine spared no expense in putting Dundee up at the Plaza Hotel on 5th Avenue, and he reacted to his luxurious hotel suite ("It's a bit rough, but I'll manage"); he soon figured out what a second toilet (bidet) was for: ("For washin' your backside, right?"); while taking a stroll, he greeted everyone on a crowded sidewalk with "G'day!"; he was approached by a mounted policeman (Joe Pentangelo) on horseback after climbing up onto a streetlight pole for a better vantage point

Overly Friendly With Complete Strangers

Amazed by His Park Hotel Suite

"G'day!" to New Yorkers
  • they dined out their first night with Sue's boorish editor/boyfriend Richard at the exclusive Tucano's Italian restaurant; Richard condescendingly quipped: "New York is no place for a country gent. I mean, ain't no crocodiles out there, but a fast-moving Chevy sure make a mess of you...I don't imagine that they have any kangaroo steak or possum grits!"; Dundee had enough of Richard's attitude, and while Sue was distracted and looking away, he punched Richard in the face and knocked him unconscious; later in a taxi back to the hotel, Dundee explained: "He was being a pain....You're not serious about this lemon, are you?"; Sue excused Richard's behavior due to excessive drinking and tried to defend her relationship with him: "Richard is warm, caring, and I love him, okay?"
  • Dundee invited his Italian taxi-driver (Rik Colitti), after he went off-duty, to join him for drinking at a "boozer" ("pub"), where he spun Australian tall-tales for any listener: "The real danger down there is the sharks, though, the big ones, you know, like Jaws? I caught one down there about three weeks ago. Got it opened. Know what we found inside it? Three Filipino fishermen - still in their boat"; he was warned by Gus after being propositioned by a tall transvestite named Gwendoline (Anne Carlisle); to definitively check it out, Dundee grabbed at the guy's crotch and exclaimed: "Hey, that was a guy! A guy dressed up like a sheila"
  • outside the bar, Mick was confronted by a pair of prostitutes Karla (Nancy Mette) and Simone (Caitlin Clarke) who asked if he was looking for "a good time" - and he agreed; Karla knew of his reputation as "The Crocodile Man" who's "like a regular Tarzan. Wrestles crocodiles, eats snakes"; after they suggested giving him "one" for free, their Pimp (John Snyder) arrived and forbid them to socialize any further without being paid: ("Are you gonna talk all night, my man, or you gonna screw one of them?"), and promptly received a punch in the face from Mick for being rude
  • the next morning after Sue found Mick taking a bubble bath in his hotel-room tub and pretended to be the sexy "maid" Rosita (Christine Totos) providing room service, she took him on a whirlwind trip around NY's tourist sights, including a view of the Empire State Building from the Top of the Rock Observation Deck (sitting atop Rockefeller Center), and sampling his first hot-dog in Times Square; Sue made a reciprocal joke about the local food in NYC: ("Well, you know, you can live on it, but it tastes like s--t")
  • in the East Village during an attempted robbery of a woman's handbag on a busy sidewalk, Mick stopped the thief by accurately hurling a heavy can of soup at the back of the bag-snatching assailant's head as he ran off, and knocked him out
  • at a social party of New Yorkers, Sue introduced Mick to the film's second transvestite named Fran (Anne Francine), who was given another crotch grab; when Fran was told that Mick was Australian, Fran smiled: "Maybe I'd better go there someday"; a moment later, Mick explained to Sue: "Just making sure"; Mick also shared a local antidote for clearing out the "blocked nose" of a coke snorter (Barry Kivel)
  • during a phone call with Wally back in Australia, Mick described his encounters with New Yorkers: "Oh, bonzer people. Friendly, full of beans, but, uh, a bit weird"
  • in a memorable scene after exiting from a subway station, the teenage leader (Tony Holmes) of a street gang of muggers with a small switch-blade knife attempted to accost Dundee and rob him - the unflappable and chuckling 'Crocodile Man' responded as he pulled out his large knife -- "THAT's a knife!", and then slashed the tough's jacket; after the gang fled, he said amiably to Sue: "Just kids havin' fun!"; she was relieved and admitted that she was falling for him: "I'm always all right when I'm with you, Dundee. God, that sounds corny. Why do you always make me feel like Jane in a Tarzan comic?" - she gave him a big kiss
  • in the closing sequence, Mick was invited to a welcome-home dinner at the luxurious weekend home of Sue’s rich newspaper-owning father Sam Charlton (Michael Lombard); during an impromptu dinner speech, Richard unexpectedly proposed to Sue in front of the assembled guests at the table with an engagement ring and a kiss, and she foolishly agreed; her abrupt acceptance caused Mick to leave the party
  • on his way back to the hotel while drowning his sorrows with swigs from a whiskey bottle in chauffeur Gus' limo, he exited the vehicle in the middle of Times Square and entered a dark alleyway, where he was outnumbered by the pimp he had previously knocked out and two other thugs; Mick was rescued by Gus who drove the limo at them, and also wielded a boomerang antenna ripped from the back of the limo; Mick was impressed by Gus' boomerang-throwing: "You sure you're not Pintinjarra tribe?" - Gus answered: "No, man. Harlem Warlords"
  • the next day, Mick checked out of the Plaza Hotel and received directions from the hotel doorman Irving (Irving Metzman) to the nearest subway station, where he intended to set off to take a look at the rest of America on a "walkabout"
Dundee's and Sue's Subway Platform Reconciliation
  • after she had changed her mind about marriage, Sue raced on the street after him (discarding her shoes) from the hotel to the subway station entry at Columbus Circle two blocks away, but on the crowded platform, she could not reach him; she called out: "Mick Dundee!"; she relayed two messages to Mick - the guy in the black hat - from bystander to bystander: (Sue: "Tell him not to leave. I'm not gonna marry Richard...Tell him I love him. I love you!")
  • in the feel-good ending, Mick climbed up to the girders or rafters to gain height and walked to Sue on the heads and raised hands of the onlookers: ("I'll tell her meself. I'm comin' through") - to tell her of his love and to kiss her; the aroused crowd erupted into applause - before a freeze-frame and the ending credits

'Crocodile' Dundee's Dramatic Entrance with a Stuffed Crocodile

Getting to Know Each Other in the Outback During Two-Day Camping Trip

Next to the Water's Edge

Rescued by Dundee

Sue Saved From Deadly Crocodile

Dundee at Aboriginal Ritualistic Ceremony

Camping Out With Dundee

The Start of an Affectionate Relationship

A Complete 'Fish Out of Water' Dundee In NYC

Confronted by a Pair of Friendly Prostitutes: (l to r) Simone and Karla

On the Observation Deck

Purchasing a Hot-Dog in Times Square From a Vendor

Sue With Mick at a Party of "Weird" New Yorkers

Confronted by A Teenage Mugger With a Gang

"THAT's a Knife!" to Teenaged Mugger

Sue Expressing Her Feelings for Mick with a Kiss

Welcome-Home Dinner: (l to r) Mick, Richard, Sue, Sue's Father Sam

Richard's Unexpected Engagement Proposal to Sue

Greatest Funniest Movie Moments and Scenes
(alphabetical order, by film title)
Intro | A1 | A2 | B1 | B2 | C1 | C2 | D1 | D2 | E | F | G | H-I | J-K-L
M1 | M2 | N-O | P1 | P2 | Q-R | S1 | S2 | T | U-V-W-X-Y-Z

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