Classic Comedies:

Funniest Movie
Moments and Scenes


Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

UHF (1989)

  • the film debut of comedy rock satirist Weird Al Yankovic
  • the character of Gandhi (Jay Levey) on Channel 62 (a failing local TV station), now portrayed as an action-hero, titled Gandhi II - seen in a commercial for the new TV show. (Announcer): "Next week on U-62. He's back and this time he's mad. Gandhi II. No more mister passive resistance. He's out to kick some butt. This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with...He's a one man wrecking crew but he also knows how to party...There is only one law, his law. Gandhi II"

Unfaithfully Yours (1948)

  • the three elaborate and surreal fantasies of killing suspected young, pretty and unfaithful wife Daphne (Linda Darnell) who was thought to be cheating on him with his private secretary Tony (Kurt Kreuger): murder, a noble sacrifice and Russian roulette - dreamt up by jealous husband Sir Alfred De Carter (Rex Harrison) while he conducted a classical concert symphony (to the music of Rossini, Wagner, and Tchaikovsky)
  • while his plans worked perfectly in his mind, he stumbled and bumbled his way through the preparations in real life to murder Daphne (the first fantasy scenario) with a complicated home recording device in a slapstick scene of the disastrous, real murder preparations

(Cheech & Chong's) Up in Smoke (1978)

  • the classic 'drug humor flick' with funny dialogue between potheads Pedro De Pacas (Cheech Marin) and Man Stoner (Tommy Chong): (Cheech: "Hey, how am I driving, man?" - Chong: "I think we're parked")
  • their marijuana smoke-filled, chick-mobile 'Love-Machine' van and gigantic-sized joints, although earlier Stoner complained that the joints were the size of toothpicks
  • the "hitchhiking" scene, when Man Stoner pretended to be a stacked female, and was picked up by Pedro, who called him "double-bubble" but then realized he had been tricked: "Hey, you ain't a chick!...Hey, that's false advertising"
  • Pedro's screaming out: "I'm blind" - not realizing that his cap was pulled over his eyes
  • their search for ultimate highs, and frequent toking in Pedro's car, filling it completely with smoke:
    - Pedro: "What is in this s--t, man?"
    - Man Stoner: "It's mostly Maui Wowie, man...but it's got some Labrador in it."
    - Pedro: "What's Labrador?"
    - Man Stoner: "It's dog s--t...Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man. I had it on the table and the little motherf--ker ate it, man....So I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind?"
    - Pedro: "You mean we're smokin' dog s--t, man?"
    - Man Stoner: "Gets ya high, don't it? I think it's even better than before, you know?"
    - Pedro: "Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man"
  • the scene of the two stopped by an arresting officer, and as the cop asked Man Stoner his name, he vomited into Pedro's lap - who then answered: "Uuhhh - His name is RAALLLPH, man!"
  • the van orgasm scene - Pedro listened as he heard simulated orgasmic sounds coming from inside the rocking van; when Man Stoner exited the van, he received a round of applause; Pedro led him: "Make way for the new king. God-damn, you're a star, man. Go ahead. After you, King Salami"
  • the scene at the Mexican-US border, where Man Stoner threw a giant joint into a nearby car filled with nuns, who were apprehended, lined up and searched (evoking smiles), while Sergeant Stedenko (Stacey Keach) was interviewed about his objective: "Dope, drugs, weed, grass, toot, smack, quackers, uppers, downers, all-arounders. You name it, we want it"
  • the police dog's reaction after sniffing in their green van ("Must be some heavy s--t")
  • the "whatcha lookin' at man?" scene when Man Stoner was questioned by Strawberry (Tom Skerritt) (who had a big red patch on his right cheek and neck), and he responded: "Oh, nothin'. I wasn't lookin'. I was just - I wasn't lookin' at his neck"
  • the scene of the duo at a police station speaking over the radio dispatch to Sgt. Stedenko, and misinterpreting his code-name "Hard-Hat" as "Lard Ass"
  • the character of the Ajax Lady (June Fairchild), who thought that Ajax Cleaner was a powdered drug and she snorted a few lines
  • their 'battle of the bands' rock concert performance at LA's Roxy Theatre with Cheech dressed in drag in a pink tutu and Chong as a red Quaalude


Vampire's Kiss (1989)

  • the psychiatric counseling scene of hotshot Manhattan yuppie literary agent Peter Loew (Nicolas Cage) speaking to his therapist Dr. Glaser (Elizabeth Ashley) about being aroused more by a bat than his date: "I brought this girl up to my place the other night. Really hot, you know. And we're on the bed. And suddenly, this bat comes swooping down out of nowhere...I'm fighting this bat off all alone and I'll be damned if I didn't get really turned on"
  • his fanatical and freaked-out outburst to Dr. Glaser about the stupidity of misfiling by his new office secretary Alva Restrepo (Maria Conchita Alonso): "How could somebody MISFILE something? What could be easier? It's all alphabetical. You just PUT it IN the right file according to ALPHABETICAL ORDER! You know - A, B, C, D, E, F, G...H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P...Q, R, S, T, U, V...W, X, Y, Z! Huh? That's ALL you have to DO!...I never misfiled ANYTHING! Not ONCE, not ONE TIME!...I wanna know really, WHO DID!"
  • the scene of a one-night stand, when Peter was bitten in the neck during love-making by vampirish Rachel (Jennifer Beals) - turning him into an over-the-top creature of the night and assuring him: "It's alright, it's alright. You chose me"
  • his abusive behavior towards Alva when he shouted and berated her for not doing her job productively: "Am I getting through to you, Alva?" - and then later, he again shouted at her when she suggested getting someone else to do her job and make it easier: "Alva, there is no one else in this entire office that I could possibly ask to share such a horrible job. You're the lowest on the totem pole here, Alva. The lowest. Do you realize that? Every other secretary who's been here has been here longer than you, Alva. Every one. And even if there was someone here who was here just one day longer than you, I still wouldn't ask that person to partake in such a miserable job as long as you were around. That's right, Alva. It's a horrible, horrible job. Sifting through old contract after old contract. I couldn't think of a more horrible job if I wanted to. And you have to do it. You have to. Or I'll fire you. Do you understand? Do you?"
  • the scene of Rachel's sexual domination of Peter when she forced him to profess his love for her: "I hate interrupted love affairs, don't you? How much nicer when the outside world doesn't interfere with the pleasure. You were so right to put yourself into my hands, Peter. The only one who can put you out of your misery. Tell me how much you love me, my angel. Whisper it to me. Just once. Please, just once. Oh, just once. I know you do. I can read your mind, my love. I can see it in your actions. You can't get through the day without thinking about me, can you? Tell me you love me. Tell me" - and then he uncovered his neck wound and permitted her to suck his blood
  • the scene of the crazed Peter grabbing and eating a live, squirming cockroach for breakfast
  • his continual harrassment of Alva, now in the backseat of a taxi-cab - when he told her: "It's horrible when there are tensions between employer and employee. Sometimes the pressures, you know, they just build up. Wait till you get into a position of authority....You will, Alva. You're a very bright girl. That's how I know that today, by God, is the day you're gonna find that damned Heatherton contract....The work's not just gonna go away, Alva. It never just 'goes away'. THE GODDAMN CONTRACT IS SOMEWHERE IN THOSE GODDAMN F--KING FILES!"
  • the scene of Peter - wearing fake teeth - phoning his therapist Dr. Glaser to make an appointment to see her - and then his catching and consumption of a live pigeon
  • the blind date scene, arranged by Dr. Glaser, between another patient named Sharon (Jessica Lundy) and Peter: "She complains of exactly the same thing you do and personality-wise, I think you two are made for each other. I should have matched you two up long ago" - Sharon described her interests to Peter: "I like poetry, horseback-riding, Vivaldi and long weekends in the country"
  • but then, Peter confessed to a few of his major issues, in his delusionary mind: "I did rape someone a couple of nights ago. A girl at the office. I just lost control....Well, the fact is I did murder someone last night. I turned into a vampire. It's a long story"; Dr. Glaser assured him: "Would you stop worrying and just get on with your big romance....Get out of here, the both of you. Have a wonderful life together and I will take care of the cops"
  • the conclusion in Peter's destroyed apartment (where he had converted his overturned sofa into a coffin-bed), when the hallucinatory Peter became extremely annoyed and mad at an imaginary Sharon for continually asking about his vampire transformation: "You don't let up, do you, c--t? You just keep harping and harping over the same goddam thing. 'Why did you become a vampire?' 'Why couldn't you be normal?' 'Peter, does this mean we can never have children?' ...'cause there's no way in hell that I would ever, ever marry a loud-mouth pig like you. In the ten minutes I'm with you and the s--t just starts right up. What? What? You hate my guts? You wanna go home? You wanna leave? Good. Fine. Get the hell out of here, you f--king pig! Leave me the f--k alone! I really can't handle these relationships. Maybe I should see a shrink" - he attempted to put a wooden stake through his own heart, and was assisted by Alva's enraged brother, who pushed the stake in further and brought on Peter's death

Victor/Victoria (1982)

  • in 1930s Paris, the audition scene of frail, impoverished soprano, Victoria Grant (Julie Andrews) whose high-pitched, sustained note shattered a wine glass
  • the restaurant scene when Victoria dined with flamboyant, gay, middle-aged cabaret singer Carroll "Toddy" Todd (Robert Preston), and to avoid paying for the meal, released a cockroach and then told the waiter ("I'm sure it wasn't your fauIt that your saIad had a cockroach in it") - and caused complete havoc
  • the plan of opera singer Victoria Grant and "Toddy" to pass Victoria off as "Count Victor Grezhinski" - a Polish drag queen and Toddy's new boyfriend: (Victoria: "A woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman?")
  • the over-the-top character of ditzy, wild, uncontrollable, coarse, sex-starved blonde moll Norma Cassady (Lesley Ann Warren) with her irksome voice ("Kiiiiiiiiing! Pooooooooookie!") - and with her Chicago mob associate boyfriend and nightclub owner King Marchand (James Garner); in bed, she tried to warm up to King, but he was unable to have sex with her anymore - she tried to assuage his feelings of inadequacy, with a long malaprop about his impotence: ("Pookie. It's no big deaI. It happens to everyone. Men, I mean. We're Iucky. Women, I mean. We can fake it if we have to. Oh, oh, don't get me wrong. I never have with you. Faked it, I mean. With you, it's like - pow, pow, pow, Iike the Fourth of July! Every time. Just tonight, because you couIdn't get it. Up till now it's been grand, Pookie, really, really grand. And if there's one thing I know for sure, you can't Iet it get you, you shouId excuse the expression, down. You can't think about it. You just gotta put it out of your mind. I mean, the more you think about it, the more you worry. The more you worry, the more you think. Think, worry. Good stuff. Worry, think. It just gets Iike a vicious circIe. And then, before you know it, you are impudent"); and then she asked as he returned to the bedroom from the bathroom - completely vexed by her and ready to wash her mouth out: "What's with the soap?"
  • Victoria's show-stopping production number "Le Jazz Hot" in a black gown with stringy bat-wing sleeves and a rhinestone headdress when she revealed herself as alter-ego male Victor by ripping off her headdress
  • Norma's defiant reaction when cut loose by King and sent back to America - forced onto a train by King's bodyguard Mr. Bernstein (Alex Karras) aka Squash, when she opened her robe to reveal her skimpy bra, underpants, and stockings, and was yelling: "Thinks he can just push me around! Thinks I'm just gonna hop on the next boat for the States and that'll be that! Well, you've got another thing coming Mr. Big-shot Fairy Marchand! 'Cause Mrs. Cassidy's little goil Norma ain't gonna take this one lyin' down! And don't kid yourself! You ain't seen the last of me yet!" - causing a distracted boarding passenger to stumble off the platform
  • also Norma's saucy, sexy song-and-dance Chicago, Illinois number with other showgirls in baby-doll underwear
  • and Norma's hilarious one-liner when she thought she was to be assaulted by clothes-stripping Victor/Victoria Grant: "Wait a minute...lock the door first" - and her reaction to Victoria's true sex that she screeched at King: "You two-timing son-of-a-bitch! HE'S A WOMAN!"
  • the scene of hilariously miscast and in drag Toddy performing Shady Dame From Seville in place of Victoria, and his jokingly bitter riposte to his chorus line when finished and claiming it was his last performance: "You were marvelous - and I never want to see any of you again!"


Way Out West (1937)

  • the scene of Stan (Stan Laurel) and Oliver's (Oliver Hardy) discussion about the deed to the gold mine - delivered to the wrong woman: ("That's the first mistake we've made since that guy sold us the Brooklyn Bridge")
  • their soft-shoe dance and song routine of "At the Ball, That's All" while outside the Mickey Finn Palace Saloon
  • also the hilarious scene of Stan being cornered, wrestled, and tickled to death in Lola's (Sharon Lynne) bedroom when she recovered the stolen deed in his vest
  • and Stanley's biting, chewing, and gulping pieces of his hat after losing a bet - as Ollie helpfully reminded him: "You said that if we didn't get the deed that you'd eat my hat", and Stan's muttering: "Now you're taking me illiterally"
  • and the rope-pulley scene using their mule Dinah to get the rotund Oliver hoisted to the second floor of the saloon to retrieve the deed

Wayne's World (1992)

Director Penelope Spheeris' crazy and wacky, absurdist musical comedy, with the original characters (spun-off and extended from a sketch on TV's Saturday Night Live) - was inspired by Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989); the film appealed to adolescent-minded teens, and was mostly noteworthy for its dialogue, sight gags, and catchphrases: "Excellent!", "Party On!", "She's magically babelicious", "That's what she said," "Schwing!", "If you're gonna spew, spew into this", "Hurl", "A sphincter says what?", "Fishnet!", and "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" - among others.

  • in the opening title credits sequence, a young couple in bed, girlfriend Elyse (Ione Skye) and sleazy TV network executive producer Benjamin Kane (Rob Lowe) for Oliver Communications, were flipping through the TV channels, showing typical early 90s ads for the Chia Pet and The Clapper, until they came upon "Wayne's World" and were thoroughly entertained

Elyse (Ione Skye) and Benjamin Kane (Rob Lowe) Flipping Through TV Channels

"Wayne's World" TV Show on Public Access Cable, Channel 10

Broadcast From the Basement of Wayne's Parents' Home
  • two stoned, heavy metal-head, slacker friends - Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers) and Garth Algar (Dana Carvey), were the hosts of their own local public-access cable TV show on Friday nights on Channel 10, titled "Wayne's World" - broadcast from their wood-paneled basement in the Chicago suburban town of Aurora, Illinois ("a suburb of Chicago - excellent"), in Wayne's parents' home
  • their guest was quirky Ron Paxton (Charles Noland), the inventor of a revolutionary new hair-cutting and vacuuming product known as Suck Kut ("It sucks as it cuts") that was demonstrated on Garth's long hair; he was soon begging: "Turn it off! It's sucking my will to live! Oh, the humanity!"
  • new viewer Benjamin was impressed by the show and immediately phoned his producer/director Russell Finley (Kurt Fuller), to propose that they could promote or "sell" the show to a potential billionaire sponsor Mr. Noah Vanderhoff (Brian Doyle-Murray), the owner of the largest video arcade chain in Chicago (Noah's Arcade)
  • Wayne introduced himself to the camera (breaking 4th wall), describing how he lived with his parents, didn't have a real career, and had a huge collection of job name tags over the years: "I've had plenty of Joe jobs. Nothing I'd call a career. Let me put it this way. I have an extensive collection of name tags and hair-nets. Ok, I still live with my parents, which I admit is both bogus and sad. But at least I've got an amazing cable access show, and I still know how to party. But what I'd really love is to do Wayne's World for a living. It might happen. Sh-yeah, and monkeys might fly outta my butt."
  • outside his home, Wayne joined Garth and a group of friends when picked up in their Mirth-mobile (an AMC Pacer), for a sing-a-long to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody": ("Thunderbolts and Lightning, Very Very Frightening") as they drove through town; during their drive-around, Wayne - as usual - paused to admire a 1964 Fender Stratocaster guitar in the shop window of Cassell's Music and to dream: "It will be mine. Oh, yes"
Late Nite In Stan Mikita's Donuts Shop

Glen (Ed O'Neill) - Crazed Manager of the Shop

Garth's Fantasy Dreamwoman (Donna Dixon) in the Shop

Wayne's Ex-Girlfriend Stacy (Lara Flynn Boyle)
  • in Stan Mikita's Donuts shop (an "excellent munchie post"), the intense, psychotic store's manager Glen (Ed O'Neill) addressed the camera about how he had murdered a man "in the heat of passion"; Garth had a view of his fantasy Dream woman (Donna Dixon) inside the shop as Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet: Fantasy Overture was heard on the soundtrack
  • after Wayne attempted to avoid speaking to his troubled, low-self-esteem, persistent ex-girlfriend Stacy (Lara Flynn Boyle) of two months ("Psycho hose beast") in the donuts shop, the group proceeded to the Gasworks heavy metal club-bar; there, Wayne instantly fell in love (to the tune of "Dream Weaver") with the on-stage rock-singer Chinese girlfriend Cassandra Wong (Tia Carrere), the bass vocalist for the group Crucial Taunt that was playing that night, who also displayed kung-fu fighting skills
  • after promoting the show and getting Vanderhoff to sponsor it, Kane - the regional director for Oliver Communications, met with the overwhelmed Wayne and Garth to present them with two $5,000 checks and a contract to purchase rights to their show, in order to create a big-budget version
  • at a later band performance, Wayne joined Cassandra on a rooftop afterwards to discuss how he had just signed his show with a producer - and was hoping her band would also get a break in life: (Wayne: "If you guys got a break, you could really make it" Cassandra: "Yeah, and if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hops" Wayne: "Interesting. Where did you learn English?" Cassandra: "College. And the Police Academy movies"); he then impressed Cassandra with his command of Cantonese and she complimented him: "Campbell, it's amazing! You learned how to say I look pretty in Cantonese" - and they began speaking the language (and even thinking thoughts), with subtitles or captions not matching their words
  • after Garth whistled the theme song to Star Trek, Wayne and Garth had an amusing chat while lying on their backs on their car (at the beginning of an airport landing runway) watching shooting stars in the night's sky - about Cassandra and Bugs Bunny's sex appeal: Wayne: "Cassandra. She's a fox. In French, she would be called 'la renarde' and she would be hunted with only her cunning to protect her...She's a robo-babe. In Latin, she would be called 'babia majora'" Garth: "If she were a president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln. Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?...Neither did I. I was just asking"
  • after being bought out by Kane, the basement interior for Wayne's World had been recreated in a fancy studio set; during a rehearsal to practice using a chroma-key blue-screen, the two were able to immediately travel to other places with different backdrops: "OK, we've got a new feature on Wayne's World this week. It allows us to travel through time and space. It's called chroma-key, and it's really handy if you want to go to New York....Or maybe you prefer Hawaii. Muka laka hickey. Come on, you wanna lei me.. Pass the poi, Mahalo....Or say you want to go to Texas. Howdy, partners. Let's raise and rope broncos....Or imagine being able to be magically whisked away to - Delaware"
  • Garth also described for Noah and Mimi Vanderhoff (Colleen Camp) what it was like to be in their new professional studio: "It's like a new pair of underwear, you know. At first, it's constrictive, but after a while, it becomes a part of you"
  • with his newfound fortune, Wayne visited Cassell's music store with Cassandra and both of them extolled the expensive Fender guitar: (Wayne: "There it is...Excalibur." Cassandra: "Wow, '64 Fender Stratocaster in classic white, with triple single coil pickups and a whammy bar." Wayne: "Pre-CBS Fender corporate buy-out." Cassandra: "I'd raise the bridge, file down the nut, and take the buzz out of the low 'E'"); Garth showed off an amazing riff on a drum set ("I like to play"), and then Wayne offered to impulsively buy the guitar: "I'm feeling saucy. I think I'm gonna buy it - do you accept cash? Cha-ching"
Their Views on Selling Out to Promotional Ad Endorsements

Wayne For Pizza Hut

Garth for Reebok
  • after moving up to the revamped prime-time TV network in the new studio, Wayne realized that the contract he had signed stipulated a weekly, promotional interview ad spot for Vanderhoff, but refused to be obliged to honor the agreement; he told TV executive producer Kane: "Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor," while contrarily holding up a slice of Pizza Hut pizza, and then a bag of Doritos Tortilla Chips; when Kane argued: "It's the nature of the beast," Wayne continued: "Maybe I'm wrong on this one, but for me, the beast doesn't include selling out. Garth, you know what I'm talking about, right?"; Garth was wearing Reebok clothing as he responded: "It's like people only do things because they get paid. And that's just really sad"
  • at the Donut Shop one evening, Garth again viewed his fantasy Dream woman, and felt like he was going to "hurl"; Wayne encouraged his friend: "I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be"; Garth acted out his fantasy - he hip-thrusted toward his fantasy dream girl while lip-synching to the tune of Jimi Hendrix's "Foxy Lady"
  • while lying together in bed, Wayne asked Cassandra about her responses to various phases of his future fame: "Tell me, when that first show is over, will you still love me when I'm an incredibly humongoid giant star?...Will you still love me when I'm in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?...Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrates-sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?" - when she responded positively, he replied: "OK. Party. Bonus"
  • meanwhile, Benjamin Kane offered to produce a music video for Cassandra's band Crucial Taunt; he invited Wayne, Garth, and Cassandra to his 23rd floor luxury apartment, where Wayne was tempted: "From this height, you could really hawk a loogie on someone"; Garth called the place a "fully functional babe lair"; he found Kane's datebook with a reminder: "Purchase feeble public access cable show and exploit it," but remained clueless; to get Wayne and Garth out of town so he could romance Cassandra during her music video shoot for "Why You Wanna Break My Heart," Kane offered them all-access backstage passes to an Alice Cooper concert in Milwaukee the next evening
  • at the Milwaukee rock concert, Alice Cooper sang "Feed My Frankenstein" before giving a history lesson lecture on the city of Milwaukee in his backstage dressing room after the show: "Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers were coming here as early as the late 1600s to trade with the Native Americans...Actually, it's pronounced mee-lee-wah-kay, which is Algonquin for 'the good land'...I think one of the most interesting aspects of Milwaukee is the fact that it's the only major American city to have ever elected three socialist mayors" - Wayne responded: "Does this guy know how to party or what?" - when asked to stick around and party, the two bowed down and praised him: "We're not worthy!"
  • once the duo returned to Chicago and they went on-air, their TV show had been revamped and emphasized Noah's Arcade's sponsorship of the program; during the show's interview, Wayne deliberately embarrassed and humiliated their sponsor, arcade billionaire Mr. Noah Vanderhoff, by using insulting cue cards (notes written on the back of his question cards visible to the audience), such as "SPHINCTER BOY -->" and "HE BLOWS GOATS. I HAVE PROOF" and "THIS MAN HAS NO PENIS"; as a result, Wayne was fired, and was told by Kane: "We own the show," leaving Garth alone to host by himself; Garth complained to Wayne: "You shouldn't walk out on your friend without telling him first," and was suspicious of Kane's behavior: "Benjamin had you so snowed...He's got it for Cassandra"
  • Wayne began to distrust Cassandra, and insultingly accused her of unfaithfulness with Kane, her video producer: "Maybe he's pokin' ya....First he screws me, then he screws you. It's Dutch door action" - she ordered him to leave and they broke up; Wayne was upset and addressed the camera-audience: "I lost my show, I lost my best friend, I lost my girl, I'm being s--t on"
  • Wayne and Garth joined together to find an alternative record deal for Cassandra with rock music promoter-producer Frankie "Mr. Big" Sharp (Frank DiLeo) of Sharp Records; as Cassandra finished performing her song "Touch Me" in a Tarzan jungle setting, Wayne arrived to embarrassingly beg to get her back with promises of having her perform on his new show; his heartfelt Oscar-bait speech convinced her to leave Kane
  • Garth and Wayne brought Cassandra to Wayne's Aurora home and his basement studio, and transmitted the live performance of her music video "Ballroom Blitz" via satellite to Mr. Big's limousine; however, after Sharp declined to give Cassandra a record contract because it was "the wrong time" - she decided to permanently break up with Wayne ("You screwed my career"), and Kane added: "I always knew you were small-time"; Stacy revealed she was pregnant with Wayne's child, and electrical shorts ignited a fire in the house and Garth perished in the flames; at a tropical island resort, Cassandra whispered to Kane on a beach lounge chair ("Last night was the most incredible night of my life")
  • in an attempt to lampoon disastrous film endings and rewrite the conclusion: ("As if we'd end the movie like that. Let's do the Scooby-Doo ending"), Wayne and Garth decided to alter the ending with proposed alternatives; their first attempt at editing rewound the scene back to the basement, where the two literally unmasked Kane as "Old Man Withers" who ran a haunted amusement park in town
Revised Endings

Kane Unmasked as 'Old Man Withers'

Cassandra Offered a Six-Album Record Deal by Mr. Big

Garth With His Dreamwoman
  • then in a revised "mega happy ending," the ending was again rewound, and Cassandra received a six-album deal with Mr. Big, Wayne and Cassandra were reconciled, Garth began to date his Dreamwoman - the waitress in the donut shop, and Benjamin reformed himself and admitted: "I've learned that a flawless profile, a perfect body, the right clothes, and a great car can get you far in America-- almost to the top-- but it can't get you everything"
  • after the rolling credits, the film concluded with the TV's show's signoff, and Wayne's hope for the audience: "Well, that's all the time we have for our movie. We hope you found it entertaining, whimsical and yet relevant, with an underlying revisionist conceit that belied the film's emotional attachments to the subject matter"; Garth added: "I just hope you didn't think it sucked"

The Two Hosts (l to r): Wayne (Mike Myers) and Garth (Dana Carvey)

On the Show, The Suck Kut Was Demonstrated on Garth's Hair

Wayne's Introduction of Himself - Breaking 4th Wall

Sing-a-long to 'Bohemian Rhapsody'

On Rooftop, Wayne With Rock-Singer Chinese Girlfriend Cassandra (Tia Carrere) - With Mismatching Captions

An Amusing Conversation on the Hood of their Car

Use of Blue-Screens on the New Studio Set to Create Different Backdrops

Both Wayne and Cassandra Extolling the Fender Guitar

Wayne's Purchase of a Fender Guitar in the Music Store: "Cha-ching!"

Fantasy: Garth's "Foxy Lady" Dancing and Hip-Thrusting Toward His Dream woman in Donut Shop

Wayne's Questions to Cassandra: "Will you still love me...?"

Rocker Alice Cooper's Backstage History Lesson on Milwaukee

"We're not worthy!" to Rocker Alice Cooper

Wayne's Insulting Cue Cards to Ridicule Their Show's Sponsor Mr. Vanderhoff

Cassandra Insulted by Wayne's Accusations - They Temporarily Broke Up

Cassandra's Music Video Shoot with Kane in a Tarzan Jungle Setting

Wayne Begging For Cassandra To Come Back to Him

Cassandra's Live Music Video Was Transmitted Via Satellite to Mr. Big's Limousine

Happy Ending For Wayne and Cassandra

Wedding Crashers (2005)

  • a bawdy R-rated film about two intrepid Washington DC bachelors and lifelong friends John Beckwith (Owen Wilson) and Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn) who invited themselves to nuptial receptions to pick up on women and bridesmaids
  • Jeremy's fears of the 'perils of dating', after Janice (Stephanie Nevin) offered to set him up on a date: "I've got the perfect girl for you" - he responded: "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering, 'Do I have food on my face? Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested? But I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested. But do I want to be interested? But now she's not interested.' So now, all of sudden I'm, I'm starting to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door? 'Cause then it's awkward, it's like 'Well, good night.' Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this, and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Or do you go right in and just kiss 'em on the lips or don't kiss 'em at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation and all the while, you're just really wondering, 'Are we gonna get hopped enough to make some bad decisions?' Perhaps play a little game called 'Just the Tip.' Just for a second, just to see how it feels, or 'Ouch Ouch, You're on My Hair.'... And thank you. Hey, Janice. Great talk"
  • the sped-up, raucous montage sequence of the two scammers seeking free love at various wedding receptions, and flopping around in bed with partly-clothed and naked women from the weddings - including Brunette (Rachel Sterling), Ivana (Ivana Bozilovic), Hindu woman (Naureen Zaim) and Vivian (Diora Baird), to the tune of the Isley Brothers' "Shout"
  • the objectives of their 'wedding crashing' - two sisters: Claire Cleary (Rachel McAdams) (with a hotheaded, unfaithful boyfriend named Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper)), and Claire's "stage-five virgin clinger" sister Gloria (Isla Fisher)
  • Jeremy's insistence to John, at the Cleary's wedding reception, that there were specific rules for 'crashing weddings' - there's no overtime and they had to leave right away: "John, this is completely against the rules. You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. There's no overtime" - they both argued: "You lock it up!"
  • the Cleary dinner table scene when Jeremy was touched in his crotch area (to bring him to orgasm) under the table by nymphomaniacal Gloria, as a serious discussion about venture capitalism was being conducted: "Well, there's the company that we have where we're taking the, the fur or the wool from sheep and we turn it into thread for homeless people to sew. And then they make it into cloth, which they in turn sew then, um, make some shirts and pants for other homeless people to sell. It's a pretty good deal"; Jeremy struggled to add that he was relieved: "People, people helping people... Terrific, it was terrific!"
  • the protective warning of presidential wannabe, William Cleary (Christopher Walken), the US Secretary of the Treasury, to Jeremy about his daughter: "You know, she's not just another notch on the old belt...I'm a very powerful man"
  • the racy scene of Jeremy being seduced by sexually-insatiable, and "social alcoholic" Kathleen "Kittycat" Cleary (Jane Seymour) - the socialite wife of William Clearly who requested that he personally rate her recent breast implants
  • the 'motorboating' scene, when John admitted: "Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters"; Jeremy tried to calm him: "Well, snap out of it! What? A hot, older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl...Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems? Jackass. What were they like, anyway? They look pretty good. Are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What did you do with 'em? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? Ppppt! You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you! Where is she? Is she still in the house?"
  • words of wisdom by Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell), Jeremy's former wedding crashing mentor (but who was still living with his mother), about how to pick up women - at funerals, where he met his latest female conquest: "I got her yesterday....I rode my bike over to a cemetery nearby. Her boyfriend just died...The dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! Ha, ha, ha. 'Oh, I'm hang gliding! Honey, take a good picture... I'm dead!' Ha, ha. What a freak!...Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane! The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair. It's like fishing with dynamite....Yeah, crazy horny...Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac. Look it up"

When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

  • the various pseudo-documentary mini-interview segments interspersed throughout the film -- each one with an elderly couple describing their relationship (with one-liners such as: " know a great melon")
  • the film's premise: can a man and a woman be friends without sex becoming an issue?, and the eleven year friendship/relationship between journalist Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) and political consultant Harry Burns (Billy Crystal)
  • in the film's early road trip sequence during a 1977 18-hour car trip from Chicago to NYC, the roadside cafe scene of fussy and proper Sally Albright with slobbish student Harry ordering apple pie and ice cream: "I'd like the chef salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side. And the apple pie a la mode....But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top. I want it on the side. And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of a can, then nothing"; the Waitress asked: "Not even the pie?"; Sally answered: "No, just the pie. But then not heated" - while Harry just ordered: "the Number Three"
  • the scene of Harry describing his recurring sex fantasy dream to Sally: "I had my dream again - where I'm making love and the Olympic judges are watching? I've nailed the compulsories, so this is it: the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadian, a perfect 10 from the American. And my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must've been the dismount"; then it was Sally's turn to describe her 'embarrassing' sex dream: "Basically it's the same one I've been having since I was 12...OK, there's this guy...He's just kinda faceless...He rips off my clothes...That's it...Sometimes I vary it a little...What I'm wearing"
  • the "high-maintenance/low-maintenance" phone discussion between Harry and Sally, while they were both watching the conclusion of Casablanca from their respective beds: Harry: "There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance...You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance....You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. 'On the side' is a very big thing for you..."
  • the notorious, crowded New York deli-restaurant scene of Sally's fully-clothed, simulated orgasm with table-beating and ecstatic moans and gasps to prove to Harry how most women occasionally fake orgasms: ("Ooooh. Oh, God. Oooooh. Oh God!..."); she demonstrated with her stereotyped orgasmic display of a loud and long series of pants, groans, gasps, hair rufflings, caresses, table poundings, and ecstatic releases; as she finished climaxing, she yelled: "Yes, Yes, YES! YES! YES!"; her simulation was foot-noted by an elderly patron (director Rob Reiner's mother Estelle) exclaiming to the waiter at a nearby table: "I'll have what she's having"

Sally's Simulated Orgasm

"I'll have what she's having"
  • the scene of the simultaneous, split-screen four-way phone call the next day, when Harry called his friend Jess (Bruno Kirby) and Sally called her friend Marie (Carrie Fisher) to tell them that they had just had sex - and when the call was finished, Marie asked Jess: "Tell me I never have to be out there again"
4-Way Phone Call

Elderly Couples

Sally's Fussy Apple Pie Order

Sharing Recurring Sex Dreams

Split Screen High-Maintenance/Low Maintenance Discussion

Their First Instance of Sex - Apres-Sex

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

  • the many inside jokes and visual puns
  • the riotous opening Maroon cartoon short Somethin's Cookin' featuring Baby Herman and Toon-star Roger Rabbit (voice of Charles Fleischer)
  • the manic, hostile piano duel between Donald Duck and Daffy Duck: (Daffy: "This is the last time I work with someone with a speech impediment!") playing Franz Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2
  • the busty and sensual appearance of Roger's sexy wife Jessica (voice of Kathleen Turner) in a shimmering pink dress from behind a curtain at the Ink and Paint Club
  • the character of down-and-out, hard-boiled private detective Eddie Valiant (Bob Hoskins) and his mis-adventures inside the off-the-wall, lunatic Toontown - interacting with such cartoon legends as Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Droopy Dog and Tweety Bird - and of course, Roger
  • Eddie's slapstick dance to make Doom's sidekick Weasels die - literally - of laughter at him
  • the joyous conclusion with Porky Pig delivering his famous "That's all folks!"

The Wicker Man (2006)

  • in this Hollywood remake, the many unintentionally funny scenes of California law officer Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) investigating the disappearance of young girl Rowan Woodward (Erika Shaye Gair) (the plot twist was that the girl was his own daughter!) on a pagan-worshipping island off the coast of Washington State; there were frequent over-reactions, bad acting, over-the-top rantings and ravings
  • Malus arrived at a classroom full of girls who were chanting: "Phallic symbol, phallic symbol!" in response to teacher Sister Rose's (Molly Parker) question: "Will you tell us what man represents in his purest form?"; Malus flashed his badge as he introduced himself at the door while laughing: "I'm a policeman. See my badge?"
  • Malus' crazed, repeated question to his ex-fiancee, Sister Willow (Kate Beahan), while holding Rowan's doll: "Is this hers? How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned? HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?"
  • Malus' threatening stance while pointing a gun at Rose before stealing her bike: "Step away from the bike!"
  • his donning of a ridiculous bear costume to join in a parade, in disguise
  • Malus' response to torture before his legs were broken with a mallet, to prevent him from escaping: "YOU BITCHES! YOU BITCHES! THIS IS MURDER! MURDER! YOU'LL ALL BE GUILTY! AND YOU'RE DOING IT FOR NOTHING! KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY!"
  • Malus' reaction to having a bee helmet placed on his head, into which live bees were poured: "OH, NO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH! OH, THEY'RE IN MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAGGHHH!"
  • and as Malus was burned in the large wooden Wicker Man statue, the crowd chanted "The Drone Must Die!" while he screamed out

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

  • the zany Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder) and his off-the-cuff, literary referential non-sequiturs and non-answers: ("The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last" - from Oscar Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest" - "If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller-skates" - and "So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it...")

Withnail & I (1987, UK)

  • the film's highly memorable script ("Scrubbers!") about two would-be, down-and-out actors (Withnail & I, Marwood), who escaped to the countryside from London
  • the tea-room scene in which arrogant drunkard/homosexual Withnail (Richard E. Grant) demanded from the proprietor in the already-closed establishment: "We want the finest wines available to humanity, and we want them here, and we want them now!"
  • also Withnail's description of how to spend the weekend as they approached the pub: "Alright, this is the plan. We get in there and get wrecked. Then we'll eat a pork pie, then we'll drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. It means we'll miss out Monday and come up smiling Tuesday morning"
  • the chicken-killing scene ("I think you should strangle it instantly in case it starts trying to make friends with us")
  • the fish-shooting sequence (a new way to fish)
  • the characters of Danny (Ralph Brown) ("All hairdressers are in the employment of the government") who knew how to roll a "Camberwell Carrot", and Withnail's eccentric, wealthy and lonely Uncle Monty (Richard Griffiths)
  • also the scene in which Marwood/I (Paul McGann) was in the Mother Black Cap pub with Withnail, and while on his way into the men's room, he heard a homophobic, fat Irishman (Daragh O'Malley) bar patron deliver a slur toward him: "Ponce!"; while he was at a urinal, in voice-over, Withnail worried: "I could hardly piss straight with fear. Here was a man with three-quarters of an inch of brain had taken a dislike to me. What have I done to offend him? I don't consciously offend big men like this. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. Get any more masculine than him, you'd have to live up a tree. (Reading graffiti carved into the wall in front of him) 'I f--k arses.' Who f--ks arses? Maybe he f--ks arses. Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity? I'm in considerable danger in here. I must get out of here at once"
  • in the next sequence as he left the loo, Marwood heard another greater insult: "Performed Ponce"; when directly confronted, Withnail delivered a witty retort for his friend: "I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder"; the Irishman continued: "I'll murder the pair of yers!"; then Withnail added tearfully: "My wife is having a baby! Listen, I don't know what my acquaintance did to upset you, but it's nothing to do with me. I suggest you both go outside and discuss it sensibly, in the street" - and the two then fled the pub screaming
  • and the film's conclusion with Withnail's wine-soaked quoting from Shakespeare's Hamlet during a drenching rain: ("What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! How like an angel in apprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals! And yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me: no, nor women neither. Nor women neither")

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

  • the scene of the squirming Scarecrow (Ray Bolger) - and then the shaking Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr) timidly asking the Wizard after being challenged to bring back the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West: "But what if she kills us first?"- then panicking, running down the hallway and leaping through a window

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

  • the iconic, scene-stealing chest-beating or thumping scene, set during lunch (and lots of martini orders) in a high-rise skyscraper's restaurant between Jordan Belfort (Leonardo Di Caprio) and sleazy, smooth-talking high-roller boss Mark Hanna (Matthew McConaughey); Belfort was literally introduced to the calming effect of chest-thumping and money-chanting by Hanna, who coaxed him into joining in: "Come on. We're the common denominator. Keep it up for me. You've seen the echo. And the money comes in. The parade comes to town. Goin' down Broadway. It's a one-way street. Whichever way I go"
  • later, Belfort led his entire staff in a session of chest-beating

Woman of the Year (1942)

  • the scene in which down-to-earth New York sportswriter Sam Craig (Spencer Tracy) took brilliant, high-brow political correspondent Tess Harding (Katharine Hepburn) to her first baseball game during which he had to explain the game and its rules
  • and her disastrous failed attempt to cook a decent breakfast and be a traditionally-domesticated housewife for him - she fought with the kitchen appliances, watched toast pop out of the toaster onto the floor, boiled coffee over, and overfilled the waffle griddle with batter as he watched in amazement

The Women (1939)

  • all of the scenes of poisonous and jaundiced views of the women - at beauty parlors, a divorce dude ranch in Reno (with a tremendous cat-fight), in dressing rooms, exercise rooms and powder rooms
  • and the cold-hearted perfume salesgirl Crystal Allen's (Joan Crawford) final vitriolic parting words - hissed at the other women: "...there's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society, outside of a kennel!" - typical of the film's entire dialogue


Young Frankenstein (1974)

  • the funny horror film spoof from director Mel Brooks, with its early scene in the medical classroom when the grandson of the original baron named Dr. Frederick Frankenstein (Gene Wilder): ("It's pronounced Frohn-ken-Steeeen") must answer touchy questions from an inquisitive and persistent student (Danny Goldman) about his legendary grandfather Dr. Victor Frankenstein - and he jabbed a scalpel into his leg
  • the character of bug-eyed, ignorant, leering Igor (Marty Feldman) with a shifting humpback ("Didn't you used to have that on the other side?...Your, uh...")
  • Igor's transport of Dr. Frankenstein and his temporary assistant Inga (Teri Garr) to the Transylvanian castle in a hay cart, and her exclamation of: "Werewolf!"; Igor misinterpreted what she said and answered by pointing out: "There...There, wolf. There, castle"
  • the scene of Frankenstein marveling at large wrought-iron door knockers on the Transylvania castle door: "What knockers!", with Inga's quick appreciative response as he lifted her out of the carriage: "Oh, Thank you, doctor!"
  • the scenes of horses neighing and whinnying (amidst lightning strikes) whenever castle housekeeper Frau Blucher's (Cloris Leachman) name was mentioned
  • also the revolving bookcase-fireplace sequence revealing a secret passageway, and Dr. Frankenstein's continual request: "Put the candle back"; and his failed attempt to block the turning bookcase with his body: ("Now listen to me very carefully, don't put the candle back. With all of your might, shove against the other side of the bookcase. Is that perfectly clear?"); and then Inga became trapped behind the bookcase
  • the creation scene in which Dr. Frankenstein yelled madly: "Give my!"
  • and the charades sequence of Dr. Frankenstein acting out the word 'Sed-a-give' ("Give him the sedative" with an injection), using the game of charades, to control the violent Monster (Peter Boyle) that was strangling him
  • Igor's questioning by slow-to-anger Dr. Frankenstein about whose brain Igor had stolen: "Would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?"; Igor responded hesitantly and acquired a promise that the doctor wouldn't become angry: "Abby someone...Abby Normal...I'm almost sure that was the name"; Frankenstein pressed further: "Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven-and-a-half-foot long, fifty-four inch wide gorilla? Is that what you're telling me?" and then began strangling his servant
  • the classic scene of the Monster with the blind hermit (Gene Hackman) in his shack - a tribute to a similar scene in The Bride of Frankenstein in which he called the Monster "an incredibly big mute", ladled boiling hot soup on the Monster's lap, broke the Monster's wine mug when toasting their friendship, and lit the Monster's thumb, thinking it was a cigar - and then called after him as he left in fear: "Wait. Where are you going? I was gonna make espresso"
  • Dr. Frankenstein's introduction of the Monster to an audience as a "man about town" and their top-hat and cane, tap-dancing duet of Irving Berlin's "Puttin' on the Ritz" - with the Monster's slurred, squeaky, and high-pitched singing of "Punnondariiiiiiiizz!"
  • the scene of the arrival of Dr. Frankenstein's untouchable fiancee Elizabeth (Madeline Kahn), when a request was made of Igor: "Igor, will you give me a hand with the bags?" - and his reply - with growling: "Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one with the turban"
  • and the scene of Elizabeth's kidnapping by the Monster - with her hair turned white, a la The Bride of Frankenstein; and the nymphomaniac's infatuation with the Monster - after viewing his "enormous schwanstucker," she breathed an aroused, wide-eyed "Woof!"; she warbled the tune 'O Sweet Mystery of Life' as he made love to her (offscreen); post-coitus while sharing a cigarette together (similar to Now, Voyager (1942)), she complimented him on his stamina: "You're incorrigible, aren't you, you little zipper-neck?"


Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

  • an R-rated comedy/drama about two cash-strapped, platonic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania friends: Zack Brown (Seth Rogen) and roommate Miriam "Miri" Linky (Elizabeth Banks), who decided to earn quick money for their rent by making an amateur adult porno flick
  • the argument scene between Delaney (Craig Robinson) and his assertive, volatile wife (Tisha Campbell-Martin) who swore at each other like a real husband-and-wife; when he returned home late with Zack, she wanted answers: "Where the f--k you been? And who in the f--k is this now?...You already left one white boy down in my basement while you off gallivanting and s--t. What if this motherf--ker was all grabby on me?"; when Delaney reassured her with "Ain't nobody wanna grab on you", his response backfired and she ignited in anger: "Oh, what in the f--k is that supposed to mean?"; Zack was pulled into the argument when she demanded an answer from him: "White boys love me. White boy. I said white boy!...You'd f--k me, wouldn't you?"; Zack was coached to answer: "Yeah!"; in response, she seductively pinched her breast at him; in a few moments, the couple both accused each other of having physical deficiencies - "saggy-ass balls" and "sagging-ass titties" - she retorted back: "Then motherf--ker, we match!"
  • the comedy's most controversial scene - a gross-out scatological 's--t shot' (something that caused the MPAA ratings board concern), when Deacon (Jeff Anderson) was complaining to Delaney (who was exclaiming "Can you believe this s--t?") after Stacey (real-life adult film star Katie Morgan) accidentally pooped all over his face: "Do you believe THIS s--t?...I'll tell you what just happened in there. That chick frosted me like I was a f--king cake!"

Zoolander (2001)

  • a Ben Stiller-directed comedy - a satire on the fashion industry about clueless, dumb but handsome, narcissistic male supermodel Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) who was brainwashed by corrupt fashion executive Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell) in a plot to assassinate the anti-sweat-shop, politically-progressive Malaysian prime minister during a visit to New York - cued to the song "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood
  • Derek's explanation to journalist Matilda Jeffries (Christine Taylor) about why he so often used the term: "Earth To...": "Listen. It's not like we think we're actually in a control tower trying to reach outer space aliens or something, okay?"
  • and Derek's words about doing more in life than being good-looking, by helping people: "Maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives. Like helping people....People who need help"; his roommate friends suggested instead: "Orange mocha frappuccino!"
  • after watching one of Derek's mer-man ads on TV, his apology to his coal-mining father Larry (Jon Voight) who was embarrassed for having such a delicate son coming back to his hometown roots: "I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure. That my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it!"; his enraged father disowned and mocked him: "Your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see? You're dead to me, boy. You're more dead to me than your dead mother. I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid"
  • Mugatu's throw-up after tasting a latte drink prepared by Graham Todd (Nathan Lee): "Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?"
  • and Derek's upset about the presentation of Mugatu's miniature model for the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good, when he smashed it on the floor: "What is this? A center for ants?...How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?...I don't want to hear your excuses! The center has to be at least three times bigger than this"
  • the scene of Zoolander's vigorous and stimulating massage given to him by Olga (Andy Dick) at the Pier 12 Day Spa: "I want you to relax and breathe deeply. Breathe deeply...Welcome to your relaxation time. Let this wonderful s classic soothe you. Just a nice, warm, happy time. Happy, happy. Nothing to worry about at all. Just relax"
  • the underground, Fight Club-like fashion runway 'walk-off' between Zoolander and up-and-coming, winning Male Model of the Year - blonde "it-boy" model Hansel (Owen Wilson) after the latter asserted: "Age before beauty, Cochise"; the fashion competition was refereed by David Bowie (as Himself), to the music of Michael Jackson's Beat It - and also viewed in split-screen; during the walk-off, Derek attempted to duplicate Hansel's complex underwear-removal move, but failed (he was ruled "Disqualified")
  • the scene of famous former male hand model J.P. Prewitt's (David Duchovny) crack-pot description, delivered in a cemetery, of a fashion industry conspiracy behind political assassinations: "What you've stumbled upon goes way deeper than you could ever fathom. The fashion industry has been behind every major political assassination over the last 200 years. And behind every hit, a card-carrying male model...Listen and learn, sweetness. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? But who do you think made the powdered wigs and colored leg stockings worn by our country's early leaders?...Slaves, Derek. Without their free labor, prices on such items would have gone up tenfold. So the powers that be hired John Wilkes Booth - the original model/actor, to do Mr. Lincoln in. I'll go on. Dallas, Texas, 1963. Kennedy had just put a trade embargo on Cuba, ostensibly halting the shipment of Cuban-manufactured sans-a-belt slacks. Incredibly popular item at the time....those two lookers who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as s--t were...Think about it, Derek. Male models are genetically constructed to become assassins. They're in peak physical condition. They can gain entry to the most secure places in the world. And most important of all, models don't think for themselves. They do as they're told"
  • a scene paying homage to 'The Dawn of the Apes' in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968): Derek's and Hansel's confusion about figuring out how to start up an orange-colored, Apple-brand Macintosh computer in the office of Derek's agent Maury Ballstein (Jerry Stiller): "There must be an on button somewhere. Did you press that apple thing? Wait! Hansel! Let's not lose our cool. Then we're no better than the machine"
  • the concluding scene, when the crazed Mugatu was circumvented from his plot to have Derek kill the Malaysian Prime Minister: "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie! I invented it! What have you done, Derek? Nothing! You've done nothing! Nothing! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I have you ruin this for me! Because if you can't get the job done, then I will! Die, you wage-hiking scum!" - Mugatu decided to do the job himself by throwing a concealed Japanese weapon (shuriken) at the PI, but Derek came to the rescue and halted the weapon by posing as the ultimate male model known as "Magnum"

Greatest Funniest Movie Moments and Scenes
(alphabetical order, by film title)
Intro | A1 | A2 | B1 | B2 | C1 | C2 | D1 | D2 | E | F | G | H-I | J-K-L
M1 | M2 | N-O | P1 | P2 | Q-R | S1 | S2 | T | U-V-W-X-Y-Z

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