Best Film Speeches
and Monologues


Best Film Speeches and Monologues
Title Screen
Film Title/Year and Description of Film Speech/Monologue

The Alamo (2004)
Screenwriter(s): Leslie Bohem, Stephen Gaghan, John Lee Hancock

"Pass the Taters Right Back"

Play clip (excerpt): The Alamo (2004)

David (Davy) Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) presented a demythologizing description of his 1813 participation in the Creek Indian War (the Battle of Tallushatchee, or the Red Stick War) with Tennessee militia in Alabama, when burned Indian flesh was combined with potatoes. He reasoned why he was passing on the taters:

I was never in but one real scrape in my life, feller. (Yeah, but you was in the Red Stick War.) Yeah, it's true. I was in that. I sure was. I was just about your age when it broke out. The Creeks, uh, boxed up about 400 or 500 people at Fort Mims and, uh, massacred every one of 'em. 'Course this was big news around those parts, so I up and joined the volunteers. I did a little scoutin', but mostly I, I just fetched in venison for the cook fire, things of that nature.

Well, we caught up with those redskins at Tallushatchee, surrounded the village, come in from all directions. Wasn't much of a fight, really. We just shot 'em down like dogs. Finally, what Injuns was left, they crowded into this little cabin. They wanted to surrender, but this squaw, she loosed an arrow and killed one of the fellers, and then we shot her. And then we set the cabin on fire.

We could hear 'em screamin' for their gods in there. We smelled 'em burnin'. We'd had nary to eat but parched corn since October. And the next day, when we dug through the ashes, we found some potaters from the cellar. They'd been cooked by that grease that run off them Indians. And we ate till we nearly burst. Since then, you pass the taters and I pass 'em right back.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
Screenwriter(s): Will Ferrell, Adam McKay

"You Ladies Play Your Cards Right, You Just Might Get To Meet the Whole Gang"

Play clip (excerpt): Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

San Diego KVWN's over-sexed, narcissistic, lead field TV news reporter Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) introduced himself as part of the news team:

People call me the Bri-man. I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're askin' yourself, and the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon, but I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you just might get to meet the whole gang.

Before Sunset (2004)
Screenwriter(s): Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke

"One of the Most Exciting Things That's Ever Happened to Me Is to Meet Somebody"

33 year-old successful book author Jesse Wallace (Ethan Hawke) made a 5:30 pm Shakespeare & Company in-store Parisian appearance (his final stop) for a reading, book signing, and Q&A session. His just-published book This Time, was a fictionalized account of his night nine years earlier with French girl Celine (Julie Delpy) from the previous film Before Sunrise (1995).

A journalist asked him: "Do you consider the book to be autobiographical?", and he evasively answered the question:

Well, I mean, isn't everything autobiographical? I mean, we all see the world through our own tiny keyhole, right? I mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe. You know, have you ever seen that little one-page 'Note to Reader' in the front of Look Homeward, Angel?...Anyway, he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives and that, uh, anybody who sits down to write is gonna use the clay of their own life - that you can't avoid that. So when I look at my own life, you know, I have to admit, right, that I've-I've never been around a bunch of guns or violence, you know, not really. No political intrigue or a helicopter crash, right?

But my life, from my own point of view, has been full of drama, right? And uh, so I thought, if I could write a book that, that could capture what it's like to, to really meet somebody, [The film flashed back to scenes from Before Sunrise (1995)], I mean, one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me is to meet somebody, to make that connection. And if I could make that valuable, you know, to capture that, that would be the attempt, or... Did I answer your question?

Before Sunset (2004)
Screenwriter(s): Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke

"But What Does It Mean, The Right Man?"

During a car ride, Celine (Julie Delpy) explained to Jesse (Ethan Hawke) how miserable her love life had become:

I was fine, until I read your f--king book! It stirred s--t up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like, I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!...

You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny. Every single of my ex’s, they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and, and that I taught them to care and respect women!...

You know, I want to kill them!! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No," but at least they could have asked!! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault, because I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is EVIL!! Right??!!...

You know, I guess I've been heart-broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.

Downfall (2004, Germ.) (aka Der Untergang)
Screenwriter(s): Bernd Eichinger

"The Military, Everybody Lied to Me"

Nazi Germany's Fuehrer Adolf Hitler's (Bruno Ganz) sputtering, psychotic tirade at his military officers during the final days in his bunker in 1945 at the conclusion of WWII. He was unable to believe his forces were depleted and didn't attack as he had ordered:

That was an order! Steiner's attack was an order! How dare you ignore my orders? Is this what it came to? The military, everybody lied to me. Even the SS. The generals are no more than a bunch of disloyal cowards....Cowards, traitors, and incompetents...The generals are the scum of the German people! No sense of honour. You call yourself general because you spent years at the academy where you only learnt to use knife and fork. For years, the military obstructed me. All you ever did is thwart me. I should have had all the high officers executed. Like Stalin did. I never went to the academy. But I conquered all of Europe on my own.

Traitors. I've been betrayed and deceived from the start. Such enormous betrayal of the German people. But all these traitors will pay. With their own blood. They will drown in their own blood....All my orders have been ignored. How can I be a leader under these circumstances? It's over. The war is lost.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Screenwriter(s): Steve Kloves

"Mysterious Thing - Time"

Although innocent, Sirius Black (Gary Oldman), charged as a murderer, had been captured (and was held in the topmost cell of the Dark Tower) and the Dementors were preparing to "suck out his soul." Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) suggested that young student Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) use her Time-Turning necklace device (turned three times) to spare "more than one innocent life" - she and Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) would retrace their steps by going back three hours in time to repeat the events of the night and positively alter them:

Mysterious thing, time. Powerful, and when meddled with, dangerous. Sirius Black is in the topmost cell of the dark tower. You know the laws, Miss Granger. You must not be seen. And you would do well, I feel, to return before this last chime. If not, the consequences are too ghastly to discuss. If you succeed tonight, more than one innocent life may be spared. Three turns, should do it, I think.

(He started to leave but turned back)

Oh, and by the way. When in doubt, I find retracing my steps to be a wise place to begin. Good luck.

The Incredibles (2004)
Screenwriter(s): Brad Bird

"You Got Me Monologuing!"

Embittered enemy Syndrome's (voice of Jason Lee) long-winded rant about his egomaniacal plans to super-hero Mr. Incredible (voice of Craig T. Nelson) (who became trapped with a zero-point energy ray) - when Syndrome suddenly realized that he was delivering a monologue:

See? Now you respect me, because I'm a threat. That's the way it works. Turns out, there are a lot of people, whole countries, who want respect, and they will pay through the nose to get it. How do you think I got rich? I invented weapons, and now I have a weapon that only I can defeat, and when I unleash it, I'll get...

(Laughing) You sly dog! You got me monologuing! I can't believe it. It's cool, huh? Zero-point energy. I-I save the best inventions for myself. (Syndrome slammed Mr. Incredible against the ground) Am I good enough now? (He slammed him again) Who's super now? I'm Syndrome, your nemesis and... (He inadvertently threw Mr. Incredible out of sight) Oh, brilliant.

Kill Bill, Vol. 2 (2004)
Screenwriter(s): Quentin Tarantino

"You're a Renegade Killer Bee" -- Musings about Superheroes

There was a final confrontation-showdown between revenge-seeking assassinatrix Bride (Uma Thurman), aka Beatrix Kiddo, and Bill (David Carradine) - her former boss/lover and father of her 4 year-old daughter B.B. (Perla Haney-Jardine).

He shot her in the leg with truth serum, and then unhurriedly mused about comparisons between Superman and Spider-Man. He expressed his admiration for her as one of his "natural born killers" - as a member of his Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, before she had deserted him and chosen to secretly take her unborn baby away from him:

As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book, not particularly well-drawn, but the mythology. The mythology is not only great, it's unique...Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone.

Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He's weak, he's unsure of himself, he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plympton...

You would've worn the costume of Arlene Plympton. But you were born Beatrix Kiddo. And every morning when you woke up, you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo...I'm calling you a killer. A natural born killer. You always have been, and you always will be. Moving to El Paso, working in a used record store, goin' to the movies with Tommy, clipping coupons. That's you, trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee. That's you tryin' to blend in with the hive. But you're not a worker bee. You're a renegade killer bee. And no matter how much beer you drank or barbecue you ate or how fat your ass got, nothing in the world would ever change that...

Best Film Speeches and Monologues
(chronological, by film title)
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